You

For Sugar Free #44 - Personal Demons

Journaling:
You. You have no idea. Honestly, even I don’t understand it. But you have some strange command on my heart. All I did was love you. All you did was hurt me. So why? Why do I wonder how you’re doing? Why do I wonder if you’re happy. Which really means, why do I wonder if you’re happier without me.

I’ve never been happier in my life. I have an amazing man who loves me more than I ever thought possible. I have a beautiful home to call my own. I have the best dog in the whole world. I have amazing friends. Friends I never would have met if I stayed with you.

Yet still. I wonder. Sometimes, I wonder, and then get angry remembering the pain you put me through. Pain that was completely unnecessary. Pain that was inflicted because I loved you too much, I loved you more than you could handle. So you hurt me, because it was the only thing you knew how to do. I thought it was different with us, but I ended up just like the other girls in your past. Nothing but a speedbump on the road of your life.

I’m no ones speedbump. I know that now. Back then, as much as I faked it, I wasn’t nearly as confident or independent as I made myself seem to people. You were the one I let in, the one I trusted, and you took advantage of that.

No one takes advantage of me.
No one.
Not ever again.

So why can’t I forget about you?

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