is this offensive to you?

J

jessica31876

New member
I made an invite for my daughter's baby shower. Her mother-in-law has expressed interests in planning it but I would like t teo be involved in the planning as well. So when I posted the image on facebook and tagged my daughter and her husband his whole family could see it. The messages on the picture went like this (I was talking to one of my scrapbooking friends about the invite in the first few messages):

ME: this is just the basic design because we havent come up with the location yet. We have a few ideas on where but we have to hammer out the details on a where/when and make an invite list still. I think Crystal was planning a lunch for her MIL, myself and her to try to get all the details hammered out. I know the mom (meaning the mother of the baby as in my daughter) isnt supposed to be involved in planning but she has to ask for days off well in advance so at least that part she will need to be involved in

DAUGHTER: I like it and everything is perfectly even. Its exactly what I wanted when I asked you to make it mom

ME: I have the layered version saved so things can be resized as needed...my daughter was just bugging me that she wanted me to start the invite so I figured Id throw something together for her :)

COUSIN IN LAW: MIL has a name "Linda"
(apparently Linda, her sister Sandy and her niece who I guess is this Christee White took offense to what I said)

DAUGHTER: ‎^^ The woman my mother is talking to would not know who Linda is. There wasn't anything negative intended by referring to her as my mother-in-law. (She is my mother by marriage). Bit this comment does come off a little rude :\

So my daughter and her husband are arguing because my daughter messaged her MIL about what was said and she said yes she found what I said to be offensive and apparently they were all talking about it and this Christie White who I have met only once at the wedding made the decision to "call me out" on this. I feel bad because now my daughter and her husband are arguing and it is over me and all I was trying to do was be nice and create her baby shower invite according her specifications.
 
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I don't think you said anything wrong at all! Seriously, if you're posting it on your facebook for your friends and family to see, obviously, you're talking to them when you explain in your comment. I doubt all of them are going to know who 'Linda' is, so it makes sense to say MIL :confused: sounds like someone has a bug up their butt for no reason to me.
 
It upsets me that they are making such a big deal out of it. I am sure if she referred to me to one of her friends who did not know me she would say Crystal's mom or Alen's mother-in-law (although I kinda doubt she likes to refer to me as mother anything to her son!!)
 
Uh, yeah, why would you call her Linda when talking to your friends? How the heck would they know who that is? I always referred to my MIL as just that, not by her name. Weird.
 
They must not have anything better to do!! I'm sorry that Crystal and her dh are arguing about it though! It's hard when there's any arguing between families! There's a lot of not so pleasant history between my family and dh's family, and we've had to learn to just let it go, and not take sides or get in the middle. Hope things settle down soon, though!
 
O. M. G. Do they have nothing else in their lives that is more important that they have to nitpitck about THIS? Geez. If it were me, I'd just delete the whole thing from my FB. I'd probably also apologize to my Son-in-law while rolling my eyes, but just to keep the peace.
 
I don't even have words for how silly this is. She really needs to be counting her blessings that THIS is the biggest ordeal going on in her life. If she has time to be upset about something like this, then obviously her life is pretty good.
 
I don't see anything wrong with it either but I guess you could always address her as MIL-Linda??? Not sure it would make a difference because it looks like they were just looking for something to say...
 
One of my favorite quotes is "It ultimately is impossible for another person to offend you or to offend me. Indeed, believing that another person offended us is fundamentally false. To be offended is a choice we make; it is not a condition inflicted or imposed upon us by someone or something else." by David A. Bednar

You didn't mean offense, and she CHOSE to take it.

Just ignore it. And tell your daughter that it's not that big of a deal and they don't need to worry about it. You obviously know the names of your daughter's in-laws.

They would hate the relationship that I have with my BFF sister whom I often call "sista".
 
Seriously Jessica, sounds like you need to disreguard about 75% of what these family members say to you, what a stupid thing to make a fuss over!!!

Even IF there were "hurt feelings" sometimes people need to just get over themselves!
 
It seems like there's almost always so much drama revolving around the mom and mother in law of a mother-to-be. Even if neither of them means any offense to the other (which I don't think you were offending her at all) for some reason they always think the other is insulting them. kwim? It's definitely a jealousy issue.
When my first was born, I still hadn't had a baby shower yet because he was born almost 10 weeks early.. my MIL started planning it because my mom hadn't yet (and hadn't told her at that point she was going to). Well, that ticked my mom off, even though she had no intention of planning a baby shower for me. She just wanted the baby-drama. Sucks.
 
Wow. I have no words for how ridiculous this is.... you did nothing wrong! Good lord people... grow up!
 
Gawd, people need to stop making everything into such a huge deal! Sorry you are dealing with this, and that your DD and her S2B DH are arguing because of it. Hope people come to their senses soon!!
 
Sounds to me like she might be the kind of person who doesn't "get" the internet, so she felt like you were saying something snide... which you totally weren't. All the people here with common sense can vouch for that. LOL!
 
She's probably just not very internet savvy and doesn't understand it is typical to post it that way ... that and she may just be a very sensitive person. :hugs:
 
Her name is Lin...DUH. *sigh* what a pain in the butt for you, Jessica. I can say that the in-law relationships definitely changed (for the worse) when we had our first child.

(((PS: I would totally shorten the full names from your post above, Google bots and other search engines will catch those names and this post will be found if anyone Googles them)
 
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I don't find anything wrong with what you said. Some people just have to get the knickers all twisted at the littlest things.
 
You did nothing wrong. I think "LINDA" needs to get over it. Why would you call her by her name to your friends when none of them would have any idea who you were talking about.
Would she preferred you said Crystal's MIL Linda? There you covered all the bases. Would she still take offense to it?
And I think that your SIL shouldn't be arguing with your daughter about it.

People need to lighten up! I have zero tolerance for people lately. (Sorry if I sound like B)
 
That's just crazy. I had to go back and reead the whole thing so even get what they were mad about. You did nothing wrong. They must be really miserable people to be looking for things to get their undies in a wad over.
 
Sounds like someone who is ignorant of webspeak and is determined to start some drama. Some people just aren't happy unless they are making people miserable. Totally worth ignoring IMO.
 
yea his father has told my husband twice now when my husband wiould talk about work with him "some of us still have to work for a living" because my husband is disabled and on social security. He made another comment to someone else who is disabled that he will never collect social security. That is what a 401k is for. Yea he pi**ed her off pretty good too. I told my daughter to tell her husband's father that we would gladly trade places. You know my husband's nerve damage, breathing issues, pain in his neck and back, broken ribs for months and month, 5 weeks in the hospital and then learing your son was killed. Yea that is worth the measly 1200 dollars a month he gets from social security. My husband made 4 times that working as a bofy tech. He was willing to work through the pain but no body shop would touch him once they found out he had severe injuries. ANd that was all before this last accident. Seems the a**hold gene runs in the familly
 
YepBrook said:
Her name is Lin...DUH. *sigh* what a pain in the a$$ for you, Jessica. I can say that the in-law relationships definitely changed (for the worse) when we had our first child.

(((PS: I would totally shorten the full names from your post above, Google bots and other search engines will catch those names and this post will be found if anyone Googles them)
Click to expand...

This made me snort outloud...

Jessica-these people need cut out of your life. I feel bad that your DD has to deal with them-what a long road for her and her hubby if he doesn't STOP catering to what seems like an over-sensitive-drama loving mother.

((hugs to you))
 
Lord in Heaven Jessica, those people are silly as can be. If I were you, I would laugh it off and move on. To keep peace you could tell your son in law you meant no offense and let your daughter know it is not worth arguing over. Honestly, I bet the MIL is jealous because you are creating the invitation. People can be extremely petty! If that is the case tell her to rise above it. :)
 
Jessica, you have the craziest extended family. If it's any consolation to you, you make me feel better about my own!
 
Yes I do believe I do. I guess I misunderstood my son-in-law though as he is equally annoyed with them saying what they did. I thought about and think this response might be directly related to me posting a layout with a photo of me, my husband, my daughter, her husband and my son with something like "the love of family lasts forever". So maybe she did not like that I included her son as part of my "family"

DawnMarch said:
Jessica, you have the craziest extended family. If it's any consolation to you, you make me feel better about my own!
Click to expand...
 
Excuse me while I slam my head onto my desk! Seriously - some people are just asking for drama.

I agree with what a couple others said - that there's a language barrier type of thing going on. Some people don't realize that it's all about shortening words and what not. MIL is common to us - but an older generation might think you were ... idk, disrespectful or something? I seriously don't get it.

Deep breaths! Hopefully this is a minor bump in everything and they'll get over it soon! :)
 
Seriously I would never say Angela to my friends when discussing my Mother in law no one would know who the heck I was talking about. I really think people need to calm down and stop trolling facebook.
 
I read everything and sweetie - on the first one, you said nothing wrong - they just probably don't know how to properly use the internet lingo, come on!

The second one - i just got a little disappointed. No one would ever want to receive assistance in lieu of the better things in life. Yeah, tell them to trade places so they'll have a taste of it.

And the last, honey - do they not want their son to be accepted by his spouse' family?

Sorry I got too emotional on this lol - but i bet they are just jealous of you for being a cool mom, that you can do beautiful layouts and show them to the world :) - just hang in there and big hugs!!!
 
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