s/o of La's bridal gown thread

pewtertm

pewtertm

Active member
OK, I've been wanting some other opinions on this for awhile...

Background...my cousin and her Brit boyfriend moved in together last fall. In November, she announced via Facebook that they had gone to the JP and gotten married...she posted some pics. They had been planning to get married in December '10, but I think immigration issues caused them to bump up the wedding.
But here's the part that gets me...she is still planning her 'wedding' for this December. Going gown shopping, rented a country club, going for the big to-do. Sorry but to me, having a wedding and doing the registry etc etc more than a year AFTER you get married is just stupid and a waste of money. A big 1st anniversary party or even a vow renewal down the line, okay. But I'm having a hard time wrapping my brain around this one.
Does it make sense to anybody else???
 
IDK...I guess to me a vow renewal would make more sense since they are already married and would be married at that time for a year or more.

Another weird scenario for you: My husband's nephew had their reception BEFORE the wedding and told everyone instead of buying them something to give them cash which they then used to pay for their honeymoon AND wedding in Las Vegas LOLOL. Yea their marriage lasted a whole year.
 
I've had several friends do that, usually it's because of immigration issues... even though the big fancy wedding was planned we all knew it was more a renewal of vows... it was exciting to be a part of their second wedding since we couldn't be a part of their real wedding.

I also have family friends who my friend eloped and the parents weren't happy because they weren't a part of the wedding, so they threw the couple a second wedding and totally ignored the first wedding... that was a little weird and they got a good laugh out of it.
 
I think that is a bit tacky... I'd admit I don't know the ins and outs of immigration, but him being from UK, it can't be that tough to get a visa here...
 
I think it's kinda ok...... I am torn. lol.. I mean, are THEY paying for it- i think that's the sticking point in my mind- I do think the registry bit is tacky but.. If they werent' able to have the wedding they wanted because they had to go the route they did.. and they can afford it, and it makes them happy.. good for them :]
 
I think that if they want a big "real" wedding, they should get one. It doesn't sound like they celebrate their "official" wedding with everyone, so I don't see what the difference is.
 
I certainly agree that they can do whatever they like, especially if they are paying for it themselves. Not sure who's paying...not any of my business either. It was completely new to me...nobody I have talked to in the family or otherwise has ever heard of such a thing. Ah well, to each his own :)
 
I got agree with La, If they are paying for it go for it, but don't call it a wedding, call it a renewal or something else. I think a registry is tacky that long after the "real" wedding; people will buy a present if they want and they can suggest something then. We had something similiar in my family.

My cousin and her DH got married in a huge ceremony, my uncle put out big bucks for shindig. We found out about a year later that they had gotten married by a JP months before the wedding so that they could get the marriage pay for military so my cousin could live off base and not have to work. That really infruriated me and my family because they lied.

If they up front that hey we are already married but we want the big thing, then that feels better.
 
Hmmm... this is a hard one. I had a very good friend do something similar, although they didn't wait a year. She got engaged and moved down to the US at the end of August, and they were planning to have a December wedding (in '04). They ended up getting married shortly after she arrived (in September) because it worked out better for them... they also did a JP wedding with just 2 witnesses.

They still went ahead with their "wedding" in December, when her family was able to come to visit. Her dad was able to walk her down the aisle, and they had a big dance and supper and celebrated their marraige with friends and family. It was a beautiful, happy wedding, and they said they wouldn't have had it any other way.
 
Tacky. We didn't invite you to the initial one ... but here's another one a year later and let's "pretend" ... and by the way ...here are the presents we want you to buy us...

Oh Ann Landers would have had a field day with this one I bet!
 
I don't see anything wrong with this but maybe that's because it's rather common in the military. You get legally married so you can get all the pay and benefits while they're deployed and then you plan the wedding during the year they're gone. I guess I don't see this as being all that different. Just because legal issues required them to get married then doesn't mean they shouldn't still be able to have their dream wedding.
 
I have had many friends who got legally married way before the church, reception, etc. Sometimes there was a year between them. Most of them simply could not afford the big wedding but got married legally for tax and law reasons.
 
if they were military, I could see that.

non-military: tacky...


But when you choose to marry someone from another country, it kind of means that nothing will ever be simple and you may not get the big huge family gatherings you thought you'd get.

If they want to celebrate, have a party! but don't act like its a wedding, 'cuz it isn't.

For example - I would fly across the country to attend a wedding for a cousin. seeing them there, before God and friends making their vows, knowing they sacrificed to make it happen that way would justify the expense on my part to be there to support them. I would NOT fly across the country to attend a party a year after the fact.

just my two cents...:)
 
my best friend did just this about 8 years ago. They got married in the court house (her father was dying of cancer and she wanted him to be around for her "wedding") and then the following year on their a big to do in a reception hall around here. They had a church wedding and then we had a huge reception afterwards. My friend had always dreamed of having a big "fairytale" type wedding and I don't think it's fair that she not get that. She was paying for it so I don't see the harm in it.
 
I don't know. My husband's cousin got married at a JP because she was having a destination wedding, and the whole marriage license thing wherever was sticky. So she was legally married here with just her parent, then went down South somewhere and had the ceremony with family and friends. I'm kind of OK with that, but the whole year between them thing is kind of hinky.

Then again, I just attended a wedding on Christmas Day that was planning less than a month, with my son hitting buttons on my laptop to play the wedding music, both best man and MOH bailed and my SIL and BIL had to step in and do it, and my teenage daughter was asked to read the scripture the night before the ceremony. So I can pretty much roll with anything.
 
Here's my .02:
calling it a wedding and ramping up the extravagance when you're already married = tacky
calling it a vow renewal and ramping down the extravagance when you're already married = not tacky
registering for gifts when you're already married = tacky
having a reception as part of your vow renewal for the friends and family that were not able to attend your JOP wedding and telling people directly that you do not want gifts and/or cash even though many will bring one or the other, anyway = not tacky

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you don't get the wedding you've always dreamed of, but that doesn't take away from your marriage or the relationship you have with your spouse. You can't just pretend something isn't when it is, kwim?

I should know. DH and I were engaged and planning our wedding last January when we found out we were expecting. Surprise! Instead of the big-ish wedding we wanted in October, we had immediate family and a handful of friends at a very small wedding and luncheon in April. The April wedding was not my first choice, but you have to deal with what you're dealt, and so we did, and it turned out just fine.
 
LeeAndra said:
Here's my .02:
calling it a wedding and ramping up the extravagance when you're already married = tacky
calling it a vow renewal and ramping down the extravagance when you're already married = not tacky
registering for gifts when you're already married = tacky
having a reception as part of your vow renewal for the friends and family that were not able to attend your JOP wedding and telling people directly that you do not want gifts and/or cash even though many will bring one or the other, anyway = not tacky

Sometimes, life throws you a curveball and you don't get the wedding you've always dreamed of, but that doesn't take away from your marriage or the relationship you have with your spouse. You can't just pretend something isn't when it is, kwim?

I should know. DH and I were engaged and planning our wedding last January when we found out we were expecting. Surprise! Instead of the big-ish wedding we wanted in October, we had immediate family and a handful of friends at a very small wedding and luncheon in April. The April wedding was not my first choice, but you have to deal with what you're dealt, and so we did, and it turned out just fine.
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What she said...
 
Nettio said:
I don't see anything wrong with this but maybe that's because it's rather common in the military. You get legally married so you can get all the pay and benefits while they're deployed and then you plan the wedding during the year they're gone. I guess I don't see this as being all that different. Just because legal issues required them to get married then doesn't mean they shouldn't still be able to have their dream wedding.
Click to expand...

ditto.
 
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