Big sigh.......Easter Didn't Go as I Planned

EvelynD2

EvelynD2

Sweet Shoppe SugarBabe
I was so excited to have our kids, grandkids, a few friends and my brother over for Easter dinner after church. Our granddaughter and her boyfriend had arrived and my brother was there. Leah and Dylan were sitting on the couch and my brother was in the kitchen by himself. We had put Charlie, our 115 pound German Shepherd/Great Pyrenees, outside as he has stranger danger and reacts to strangers. At Christmas, we had put him out and then let him come in towards the very end of our gathering and he did fine. Therefore, I thought he would do okay since there were only a few people in the house and he had been locked outside. I thought he would be chill when he came in. As it was, he charged my brother in the kitchen barking and running towards him. :(. You can imagine how frightening it would be to see a 115 pound dog coming at you. :( Tod grabbed Charlie and took him outside again. My brother then told me he was leaving. He did not stay for dinner or anything. Yesterday we took some food to his house and he told me he would never come back to my house even though I told him we would keep Charlie outside. :(. It all makes me so sad. :(. On top of that, Charlie was all tail wags and wiggles when our 15 year old grandson and another man pet him over the back fence later. I don't know why he reacted that way to my brother. My brother already doesn't like big dogs and Charlie didn't do anything to help in that respect.
 
I'm so sorry it didn't go well. I'm not a dog person, I love them & love petting them, but have never really been around them much. I have to really work on not being afraid when I'm around big dogs. I think they sense the fear, so it's a challenge.

While I feel for your brother, it seems his reaction was way overboard. :cry: Especially when you said you would make accommodations for him by leaving Charlie outside when he's there.
 
Big hugs Evelyn. If your brother is scared of dogs, Charlie may have picked up on that when he came in the house, causing him to become reactive. I'm so sorry Easter didn't go the way. Hopefully after your brother calms down and some time has past he'll compromise and come visit you again.

I too have a reactive dog so I feel your pain. Sending lots of love.
 
that is so sad :( I understand your brother's fear, but to not ever come visit you again is way too extreme :(
 
I'm so sorry to read this, Evelyn. Hugs.
I agree with Sherly. I can understand the fear, but it's a bit harsh to say to never come to your house again.
Maybe give him some time? Maybe he will change his mind?
 
(Hugs!) I do think that doggies pick on that type of thing. Maybe it's just too soon & he'll come around after some time.
 
Thank you all for your comments and encouragement. I am hoping my brother changes his mind but am afraid, knowing him, he won't. I think he was really embarrassed about it all and left right away because of it. He has a really small dog and has always owned small dogs. He doesn't like big dogs. Charlie didn't help his opinion change with his behavior Sunday. It's so crazy because the first time he met Kara's boyfriend he ran up to him and barked a little but liked him right away. It is strange how he likes some people and not others.
 
@EvelynD2

I think you had a nice apology with food and reassurances that it wouldn't happen again.

I have been attacked by a dog, way back in middle school. My BFF had a chow who was HUGE and he went after me and bit up my back. I was scared for a LONG time of big dogs. They're still not my favorite size, but I can handle them.

I'd just continue being kind to him and reassuring him, hoping that he'll soften with time.

Sending you ((HUGS)). My brother and I are 20 years different in age, and he lives in Georgia, so I don't see him much, but I think that if he refused to come to my house again for whatever reason, it would break my heart. I'm praying that you are given comfort and peace as you continuing being kind.
 
I'm so sorry Evelyn. My eldest daughter and me are both very wary of dogs. I've been bitten in the past and my daughter just doesn't like the unpredictability of them with jumping and bouncing and licking, even if they are small and friendly. I can see both sides here, but if I was totally assured that your dog would be locked out all the time I was with you, then I would visit again, especially if you were a close friend or family member. For someone I don't know as well I probably wouldn't just because of not having a depth of relationship where the trust has built up.
 
@EvelynD2 - this bites (no pun intended). It sounds like you made good choices to help your brother and other guests feel comfortable at Easter, but one attempt to socialize your big boy Charlie that didn't go so well, and your brother ... well, he overreacted.

I have a brother who can do that about some of his hot-button issues as well. And it makes sense, if you combine the fear of the moment with embarrassment, that his reaction and subsequent declaration that he's never coming to your house again would be over the top.

I'm in a similar situation with my family about dogs, although we have smaller animals. Our Charlie is a Maltese-Yorkshire Terrier mix and he's just 13lbs, but that doesn't stop my middle granddaughter from being utterly terrified of him. In her case, we think she has some sensory processing challenges surrounding loud noises and their next door neighbor has a German Shepherd with a deep, loud bark and it's on the side of the house where her bedroom sits. Since she was tiny, its barking has woken her at night and causes pretty deep fears. Combine that with the fact that her other grandmother's dog - a Chow mix - charged her when she was 2 or 3, and I can understand why she climbs her Grandpa like a tree every time she sees our dog.

I try my hardest to reinforce that in my home, the littles come first, and the dogs are second, so Charlie is confined to my bedroom behind a locked gate whenever they're over. (He has a dog door that lets him out into a fenced-in pen so he can go potty any time he wants, plus he has ample food and water.) But my husband and I would really like to help her overcome her fear of dogs by slowly socializing her with them. Her older and younger sister love dogs and are constantly asking to bring Charlie out to play, but we can't because of sweet Evie.

It doesn't help that her dad, my stepson, isn't a fan of dogs and he and his wife refuse to have pets in their home. There's a bit of an attitude that comes across from him that all the rest of us are stupid about our dogs and treat them like our children.

And by "all the rest of us", I mean me and my other two stepchildren. Veronica has Archie, a Yorkie, and my stepson and his wife have Rosie, a lab mixed with what I think is a bit of Rottweiler, and Cheddar, a Corgi.

Our drama comes up on big holidays when the kids would like to spend a full day with us, and they've asked to bring their dogs over so they can hang out longer and don't have to worry about the 45 minute and 90 minute drives, respectively, to get home and let their pups go outside. I have zero problem with the dogs coming to play, but when the girls are going to be here, we can't, because of Evie's terror. And that has caused some grumbling and hurt feelings that they're "dictating the terms of our get-togethers". I'll always put the littles first, but it would make such a difference if her parents would allow us to slowly work with her on overcoming her fear of dogs.

Hell, my mother had to leave her service dog back in San Antonio when she came to my stepdaughter's wedding because Evie was a flower girl and they were worried she'd take one look at Lani - who is the sweetest, most gentle dog I have ever met - and refuse to walk down the aisle. That was rough.

All that to say, combining fear of dogs with family makes for some major drama, and I totally feel your frustration, Evelyn. Perhaps you can give your brother some time to calm down, and then approach him. Apologize for the way Charlie made him feel - not for having a dog, but for the feelings your brother had - and then ask him what you can do (short of rehoming your beloved dog) to make him comfortable enough to come back to your home for a visit. Offer a couple of solutions including Charlie remaining outside the entirety of the visit or if he needs to come inside, only coming into the house when he's on a leash. If you can get your brother to verbalize what he needs to be comfortable, perhaps you can come to a compromise together.

From one dog-mama to another, I'm sending you big hugs and best wishes for finding peace in the midst of this situation. I have to constantly work at finding my own. :)
 
angiekey said:
@EvelynD2 - this bites (no pun intended). It sounds like you made good choices to help your brother and other guests feel comfortable at Easter, but one attempt to socialize your big boy Charlie that didn't go so well, and your brother ... well, he overreacted.

I have a brother who can do that about some of his hot-button issues as well. And it makes sense, if you combine the fear of the moment with embarrassment, that his reaction and subsequent declaration that he's never coming to your house again would be over the top.

I'm in a similar situation with my family about dogs, although we have smaller animals. Our Charlie is a Maltese-Yorkshire Terrier mix and he's just 13lbs, but that doesn't stop my middle granddaughter from being utterly terrified of him. In her case, we think she has some sensory processing challenges surrounding loud noises and their next door neighbor has a German Shepherd with a deep, loud bark and it's on the side of the house where her bedroom sits. Since she was tiny, its barking has woken her at night and causes pretty deep fears. Combine that with the fact that her other grandmother's dog - a Chow mix - charged her when she was 2 or 3, and I can understand why she climbs her Grandpa like a tree every time she sees our dog.

I try my hardest to reinforce that in my home, the littles come first, and the dogs are second, so Charlie is confined to my bedroom behind a locked gate whenever they're over. (He has a dog door that lets him out into a fenced-in pen so he can go potty any time he wants, plus he has ample food and water.) But my husband and I would really like to help her overcome her fear of dogs by slowly socializing her with them. Her older and younger sister love dogs and are constantly asking to bring Charlie out to play, but we can't because of sweet Evie.

It doesn't help that her dad, my stepson, isn't a fan of dogs and he and his wife refuse to have pets in their home. There's a bit of an attitude that comes across from him that all the rest of us are stupid about our dogs and treat them like our children.

And by "all the rest of us", I mean me and my other two stepchildren. Veronica has Archie, a Yorkie, and my stepson and his wife have Rosie, a lab mixed with what I think is a bit of Rottweiler, and Cheddar, a Corgi.

Our drama comes up on big holidays when the kids would like to spend a full day with us, and they've asked to bring their dogs over so they can hang out longer and don't have to worry about the 45 minute and 90 minute drives, respectively, to get home and let their pups go outside. I have zero problem with the dogs coming to play, but when the girls are going to be here, we can't, because of Evie's terror. And that has caused some grumbling and hurt feelings that they're "dictating the terms of our get-togethers". I'll always put the littles first, but it would make such a difference if her parents would allow us to slowly work with her on overcoming her fear of dogs.

Hell, my mother had to leave her service dog back in San Antonio when she came to my stepdaughter's wedding because Evie was a flower girl and they were worried she'd take one look at Lani - who is the sweetest, most gentle dog I have ever met - and refuse to walk down the aisle. That was rough.

All that to say, combining fear of dogs with family makes for some major drama, and I totally feel your frustration, Evelyn. Perhaps you can give your brother some time to calm down, and then approach him. Apologize for the way Charlie made him feel - not for having a dog, but for the feelings your brother had - and then ask him what you can do (short of rehoming your beloved dog) to make him comfortable enough to come back to your home for a visit. Offer a couple of solutions including Charlie remaining outside the entirety of the visit or if he needs to come inside, only coming into the house when he's on a leash. If you can get your brother to verbalize what he needs to be comfortable, perhaps you can come to a compromise together.

From one dog-mama to another, I'm sending you big hugs and best wishes for finding peace in the midst of this situation. I have to constantly work at finding my own. :)
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Thank you so much for the great advice, Angie. That's a great idea to ask my brother what he would need to feel comfortable to come to my house again.
I hope that you are able to get everything worked out with getting Evie acclimated to dogs where she is not afraid. I also hope the anti-dog feelings of some of your family can dissipate where your other children are able to bring their dogs over for longer holiday visits. I do think it's wonderful that you put your grandkids first. My parents had an obnoxious dog that would attack our kids' feet. My parents would say it was his house. Our kids would then go to a room to play with the door shut. This was sad since we lived 2-3 hours away and did not see them that often. They put the dog before their grandkids. :(
 
Oh Evelyn that’s tough. Our dog Gaston would react to some people and some others he was fine with but because of that slight chance we always kept him locked in a room when we had people over. I never wanted anything bad to happen. My husband was more relaxed about it and sometimes would bring him out and it made me so nervous so of course the dog would sense that and it made him more reactive. I hated that part.

There are just some people that don’t like dogs and dogs know that and will react. That’s just the way it is. Your son was probably scared to death. I got attacked by a dog when entering the people’s house to walk him… so I know the feeling…

Maybe your brother will change his mind about coming over once he’s calmed down and as long as you keep the dog away. I hope so at least.
 
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