talk about sleeping

J

jessica31876

New member
I have posted on here before about my problems sleeping. Those problems got a lot worse after my son died and then even worse with the health problems my husband has been having from the accident. My doctor has tried multiple types of prescription meds to no avail. They do not help me fall asleep. I have tried over the counter remedies. I started seeing a therapist who has had some suggestions as well and nothing helps. I cannot seem to get a sleep schedule straight. I wake up after noon when I finally do fall asleep and do not fall asleep until 2 or 3 in the morning sometimes I just do not fall asleep at all. When my husband was in the hospital is when it was the worst. I was awake for 8 days straight. Since then I have went 3 or 4 days with no sleep. And I try to sleep too. I turn off the tv and computer and close my eyes but I just lay there thinking. Then if I do fall asleep I have some pretty awful dreams about losing my son so I usually end up waking up and not being able to fall back asleep. Honestly the primary care dr I do not think understands how bad it is. My therapist can only suggest over the counter stuff and natural remedies. I can work all day long doing something strenuous and while physically my body will be exhausted I still cannot fall asleep. I think part of it is I am afraid to fall asleep but part of it is I cannot shut my brain down long enough to go to sleep. This is going on 13 months of virtually little to no real sleep. Anyone else go through something like this? Any suggestions?
 
Sadly, I don't have any advice. Sleep aids work too well for me and it's like I've been drugged, I sleep so hard.
I hope you find something that works for you.
 
Nikki I do not like some of the meds I have taken. I went out with my best friend and her sister after I taking one of the sleep meds the night before and I have no memory of it at all. That is scary. So I quit taking those. I think that was when I was on Ambien. All it did was make me forget everything I did while I was on it....never really helped me fall asleep or even stay asleep. It is like I go until I am so exhausted & I cannot stay awake anymore and that is usually like 2-3 days. But I can tell I am suffering from the lack of sleep.
 
Jessica do you take an antidepressant? It's ok if you don't want to say or if you want to PM me but I really think something along those lines would help aid you.
 
yea Meg my doctor has me on Zoloft 100 milligrams. I have noticed a difference in how I feel since I started it but it has not really helped my sleep.
 
jessica31876 said:
yea Meg my doctor has me on Zoloft 100 milligrams. I have noticed a difference in how I feel since I started it but it has not really helped my sleep.
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This might not be a therapeutic dose Jessica-My 18 year old takes 200 milligrams daily. The dreams could be a manifestation of depression-Connor used to have terrible night terrors especially in the months following his failed suicide attempt-they kept upping the dosage of Zoloft until the dreams stopped. He also takes them at night-which does seem to help a little-but he has huge sleep issues. He takes 8 mgs of Melatonin and 50 mgs of Trazadone at night as well. This cocktail has worked the best for him.
 
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I have also talked to other parents about losing sleep after going through something like this and one of them said they did not sleep well for three years after losing their child. I cannot stand the thought of going years and never being able to sleep. Everyone else here can fall asleep easily. My husband never dreams or at least does not remember his dreams and he wakes up at a normal time. My son will fall asleep late sometimes but is always up at a normal hour the next day. So pretty much I am the only one up here at night most of the time just laying in bed because I do not want to wake anyone else.
 
right now I am taking temazapam (tried other benzodiazapines), an OTC sleep med called Alteril which has Valerian root, melatonin & L-Tryptophan, a flexiril for pain in my neck which should by itself make me sleepy. It always did before the accident. See that is the other thing is the pain I had from the accident in 2008 has come back so I am dealing with neck and back pain as well. I am also taking my blood pressure medication and the anti depressant Zoloft. I just went to my primary care dr last week and she said I needed to see a psychiatrist. That she had done all she could and I need something stronger then she can prescribe.
 
Another odd question but possibly valid is...do you see a Psychiatrist or a regular family type doctor. With issues like this it might be best to see a doctor who is trained in issues that could be partially onset by something as traumatic as loosing your son. I have found with Connor that his Psychiatrist has a wealth of knowledge on what drugs to mix and often times knows side effects of psychiatric drugs that may be beneficial in each patients specific unique situation(ex: Zoloft besides being an antidepressant can also help with symptoms of OCD and also helped with the nightmares). A regular family dr may not know all this because well it's not their are of focus. KWIM?
 
Haha...looks like we were posting at the same time! I think you should totally go see a Psychiatrist...for real-you would be surprised at all they can do to diagnose and treat the symptoms you are having. I will tell you for sure if they are worth a dime they will suggest that you seek counseling (if you haven't already)along with any med changes. Connor has the best counselor EVER and I have no doubt that coupled with the right meds, she is a huge part of the reason he is doing so well.
 
It's hard to go without sleep :( I hope you can find something that helps. I don't know if there's anything they can do for you since your problem sounds like it has more of a psychological basis than a biological basis, but have you asked about a sleep clinic? I know more about pediatric sleep clinics than those geared toward adults, but usually they have sleep experts (MDs) that do consultations and they may have you do an overnight sleep study. The one my DS goes to is through the Children's Hospital in DC, and I know my mother has been to an adult sleep clinic for her sleep apnea.

ETA: I see you're going to try a psychiatrist, and I think that's a really good next step.
 
It does not help much that my husband is having problems breathing. The doctor's cannot figure out why. They think that when his ribs broke it may have punctured his heart so he has to have a bunch of tests done on it. His liver is swollen and they do not know why. It is in the area that was damaged in the accident as well. They are doing tests on it every three months to see how it looks. His lungs sustained damage in hte lower lobes. And he has an infection somewhere in his body which keeps coming back that makes him cough like crazy so now we have to figure out what that is coming from. So I am constantly afraid that he will go to sleep and simply not wake up. Not really helping the not sleeping either.
 
jessica31876 said:
It does not help much that my husband is having problems breathing. The doctor's cannot figure out why. They think that when his ribs broke it may have punctured his heart so he has to have a bunch of tests done on it. His liver is swollen and they do not know why. It is in the area that was damaged in the accident as well. They are doing tests on it every three months to see how it looks. His lungs sustained damage in hte lower lobes. And he has an infection somewhere in his body which keeps coming back that makes him cough like crazy so now we have to figure out what that is coming from. So I am constantly afraid that he will go to sleep and simply not wake up. Not really helping the not sleeping either.
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Well of course not-that would be scary-have you talked to his DR about putting him on some kind of machine that will trigger the lack of breathing-I know they exist? Worrying about him could also be very psychosomatic of the depression that I'm sure you are experiencing from this whole mess. I will be thinking of you Jessica and hope that you can get into a good psychiatrist and he/she can help you solve your sleep issues.
 
There is only one psychiatrist group in the area I live in. All the rest are downtown Orlando so I am going to call and make an appointment there. Hoping that they will be able to change something to help me sleep. My therapist is great and I really like her but we dont always talk about the real issues that are causing the problems...the accident, losing my son, my husband being hurt so badly, the dreams I have etc etc.
 
jessica31876 said:
There is only one psychiatrist group in the area I live in. All the rest are downtown Orlando so I am going to call and make an appointment there. Hoping that they will be able to change something to help me sleep. My therapist is great and I really like her but we dont always talk about the real issues that are causing the problems...the accident, losing my son, my husband being hurt so badly, the dreams I have etc etc.
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This makes me smile! You should lead your counselor to the real issues...I have always told Connor to make sure he spends his hour dealing with the most important issue to him at the moment-they still work on some goals-but it took months to stop "putting out fires" as his counselor put it-and those fires had to come before the healing, and daily goals.
 
I have been going since June now. We have talked a lot about losing Matthew. Me being sick. My husband being sick. My daughter about to have a baby and how I feel about that (thrilled!!). My anger towards the guy who hit them and the fact that he will never be charged in it even though he was found to be speeding he just was not going "fast" enough. (52 in a 45 with a light that stays red for over a minute. I actually filmed it to time it. And you can see it from a mile away :( ) But we have also talked about stuff I do not think is really important as well. Like her telling me about positive affirmations and how I should say them daily. I do not blame myself for the accident. I wish I could have been the one in the car but there is only one person who is responsible for the accident....and he has had no repercussions or consequences from his actions and never will
 
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He is supposed to go back for a sleep study. They think he may have sleep apnea but needed a second study to be sure. Because of all the other issues from the accident though that has been put off indefenitely. We know there is an infection because he has been coughing up green stuff which means either his lungs or throat but the dr says both appear to be clear and she is going to send him to a pulmonologist as soon as they get all the test results on his heart. I am really praying they are wrong about his rib puncturing his heart because that is really scary. Its been 13 months and nobody caught it before now? He already has brain damage, severe pain, nerve damage, damage to his liver and lungs. Not sure how we will deal with it if they tell us his heart is damaged as well

ZaCola3 said:
Well of course not-that would be scary-have you talked to his DR about putting him on some kind of machine that will trigger the lack of breathing-I know they exist? Worrying about him could also be very psychosomatic of the depression that I'm sure you are experiencing from this whole mess. I will be thinking of you Jessica and hope that you can get into a good psychiatrist and he/she can help you solve your sleep issues.
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I don't have any advice, but wanted to say hugs to you! You have been through and are going through a lot, and I don't blame you for having trouble sleeping and being scared to close your eyes. I think it is great that you are seeing a psychiatrist, and also think a sleep clinic would be a good thing to try. Mainly I just wanted to tell you that I will keep you in my prayers though - and also your husband for his health. :hugs:
 
Can you fall asleep if you are watching tv?

If yes, then you could get one with a sleep function and program it to turn off after 45 minutes or so. It might also matter what you watch before bed. I would choose something interesting but "boring"(i.e. no news, dramas, etc. something like HGTV, a cooking show or PBS as long as it is not a drama/mystery).

I can understand why you would have trouble sleeping. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope that you can get some help soon and get some good sleep. Lack of sleep is no fun.
 
Jessica, I really think you should dig in deep with the therapist to help you. She might give you some coping strategies, but really, you need to resolve all the stuff swimming around in your brain before you'll be able to get some rest. Of course, I'm no psychiatrist, but I really think that's what she should be doing to help you. I can't imagine how much you're going through, and I know if I were you, I wouldn't be sleeping either, so I really feel for you, and send you lots of hugs. I hope you can resolve this somehow.

I used to have a lot of insomnia (because I'm a night owl) and some things I've tried are:
1) a super hot bath before bed
2) tense up all the muscles in your body from your head to your toes. Then slowly release them starting at your toes and working up
3) Picture a black hole. Nothing but blackness. Once you start to think of something else, just refocus back on the blackness. This is my most effective thing and always works. You have to really concentrate to keep everything from floating into your thoughts, but it always works for me.

Thinking of you always!
 
No not really. My husband bought me ear plugs because I have a hard time falling asleep with any noise. Hopefully I can get into the psychiatrist and see about switching up my medications.


scrap2day said:
Can you fall asleep if you are watching tv?

If yes, then you could get one with a sleep function and program it to turn off after 45 minutes or so. It might also matter what you watch before bed. I would choose something interesting but "boring"(i.e. no news, dramas, etc. something like HGTV, a cooking show or PBS as long as it is not a drama/mystery).

I can understand why you would have trouble sleeping. I'm so sorry that you are dealing with this. I hope that you can get some help soon and get some good sleep. Lack of sleep is no fun.
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jessica31876 said:
I have been going since June now. We have talked a lot about losing Matthew. Me being sick. My husband being sick. My daughter about to have a baby and how I feel about that (thrilled!!). My anger towards the guy who hit them and the fact that he will never be charged in it even though he was found to be speeding he just was not going "fast" enough. (52 in a 45 with a light that stays red for over a minute. I actually filmed it to time it. And you can see it from a mile away :( ) But we have also talked about stuff I do not think is really important as well. Like her telling me about positive affirmations and how I should say them daily. I do not blame myself for the accident. I wish I could have been the one in the car but there is only one person who is responsible for the accident....and he has had no repercussions or consequences from his actions and never will
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I have not personally lost a child, and cannot begin to understand all you've been through, but I think it's time to let your anger go. I don't mean forget about what happened to Matthew, but let the anger go. It's affecting you negatively, and I think until you let go and let God deal with it, you're going to continue to have sleep problems. I truly don't wish to offend you, and I hope you take this in the loving spirit it's intended.
 
One day that may be possible but right now it is not something I can do. That is the reason I am in therapy though to try to work through my feelings. In theory letting go of the anger is simple. In practice not so easy.


jacinda said:
I have not personally lost a child, and cannot begin to understand all you've been through, but I think it's time to let your anger go. I don't mean forget about what happened to Matthew, but let the anger go. It's affecting you negatively, and I think until you let go and let God deal with it, you're going to continue to have sleep problems. I truly don't wish to offend you, and I hope you take this in the loving spirit it's intended.
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I spent 9 years dealing with insomnia and I finally went to see a sleep specialist. She also sent me to a therapist. But she was the one who finally helped me crack the problem. Find a sleep specialist, someone who has sleep as their main focus.

We spent months working out my sleep issues, weeks of recording sleep patterns, taking me off all sleep meds & cutting all caffeine, alcohol, chocolate, any stimulants out of my diet & no screen time an hour before bedtime while doing it, more weeks of making changes to my exercise levels, eating patterns, waking & bed times, giving me mental & physical tricks to do if I can't get to sleep and finally doing a sleep study because they thought it might be a form of apnea (even though I don't meet the criteria).

Turns out, under all the mental issues keeping me awake, I have severe restless leg syndrome & all the muscle twitching kept my brain out of the deep REM sleep it needed to cope with the stresses & issues. The problem turned out not to be my brain keeping my body away but the other way around. Once I was on meds & a high iron diet for the restless leg, the sleep issues have sorted themselves out. I still have the occasional sleepless night but so does everyone.

Find someone who specializes in sleep disorders, not a therapist, not a regular MD. They are treating symptoms, not getting to the underlying sleep problems, which could be a wide range of physical problems you'd never suspect.
 
Jessica you definitely have my sympathy. I started suffering with insomnia after my husband's death. At first it was the nightmares, the guilt of being alseep when he died, etc. I just could not shut my mind down enough to sleep. I still have insomnia issues and only sleep 3 to 4 hours a night at best. The days that I don't sleep at all are tough. I've tried a lot of medications in the past, but most of them wound me up instead of helping me sleep. It has been 21 years and I still have not found the answers, but I have learned to cope rather well on very little sleep. I am sure that is not what you want to hear though.

Bless Jacinda for giving you some good, hard advice. Letting go of your anger will help you heal in all ways. I know you feel it is not possible yet, but I hope you will begin to try. Baby steps perhaps. The sad truth is that your anger towards this man does not affect him. It only affects you and your happiness. Holding on to it is hurting you not him. Don't let him have the power to steal away any more of your happiness and peace of mind.
 
My anger is not just at the guy who caused the accident. It is the courts who screwed up and made it so he did not even get fined or lose his license. It is with the laws in this state that the police say well yes he did commit vehicular homicide but we cannot charge him because he was not driving fast enough. It is with the judge who sentenced him to just one day in jail after being arrested for a DUI. It is with the state for allowing someone to get a license who has lost it multiple times prior to this accident. He only had his license for two months before hitting and killing my son. I realize the anger is an issue and I have to find a way to get through this but like I said in theory when it is not you it is easy to say. A lot harder to do in practice.
 
jessica31876 said:
My anger is not just at the guy who caused the accident. It is the courts who screwed up and made it so he did not even get fined or lose his license. It is with the laws in this state that the police say well yes he did commit vehicular homicide but we cannot charge him because he was not driving fast enough. It is with the judge who sentenced him to just one day in jail after being arrested for a DUI. It is with the state for allowing someone to get a license who has lost it multiple times prior to this accident. He only had his license for two months before hitting and killing my son. I realize the anger is an issue and I have to find a way to get through this but like I said in theory when it is not you it is easy to say. A lot harder to do in practice.
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It sure is. My uncle was killed by a habitual drunk driver on a suspended license. He served 30 days in the county lock up and that was it. He had multiple incidents on his record and he had caused previous injuries. He also had a lot of family money and was well protected by his name and fortune. We were all devastated and rightfully angry. We wanted justice and did not get it either. The grief and anger just about destroyed my aunt and did destroy my cousin who turned to drugs and alcohol himself to numb his pain. He died at 28, leaving my aunt to grieve his loss as well. Both losses really took a toll on our family and the healing process took a long time. I did not in any way mean to diminish what you are going through, I just wish you peace.
 
I understand Lorie. It is just frustrating to me that nobody wants to take responsibility for the screwup in court or for the accident and I see everyday people posting and talking about red light cameras and saying crap like everyone runs red lights and it is better to run a red light then slam on the brakes and cause an accident. The ignorance of those people astounds me. A side impact is almost always fatal or at the very least serious injuries....whereas a rear impact is not nearly as bad. Cars just do not have the frame work in the doors that they have in the rear and front. Even with side impact air bags it would not have saved my sons life. The sad fact is people have to realize just how dangerous running a red light can be. Over 1000 people were killed last year by red light runners and thousands of other injured. Sadly I was told there are people here in Florida who have had their licenses suspended 50 times or more and are still driving. It honestly makes me scared to even leave the house at times. My family has been in three accidents in six years that caused from serious to severe injuries. All five of us were involved in at least one of the accidents and my husband was in all three. Two were because of someone running a red light & stop sign and another was from someone who rear ended us at a red light.
 
I am trying to work with people who have been in my situation to get laws changed here in Florida but gosh getting through that mindset that it is ok to run red lights is hard. We did get some good news. They will be putting in red light cameras at the intersection where my son was killed.
 
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