This! This is what I'm trying to say...

K

krystalhartley

New member
seriously. I know I rock the boat sometimes, but I serously just don't get doing something because that's the way it's always been done. This is a great illustration (sorry, it's kind of a long img)

monkeys.jpg
 
I find myself repeatedly asking "why?" and getting "'cause it's always been done this way" as an answer. There may very well be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the way something is done, but I'd like to know what it is...to know that the reason is still relevant and applicable.

Probably the same reason I have always tried to give my children a reason for telling them no. I never accepted the "because I'm the parent" philosophy. When they understand why, they are more accepting and are definitely more inclined to listen when I have an objection.
 
Interesting illustration.

I rarely, if ever say "because I said so" and if I do it's because I've already explained it a thousand times and they are just being brats.
 
Yep, I'm another who rocks the boat and always wants to know WHY something is done. I don't like blindly following a crowd.

I give my kids explanations but for them, it doesn't matter. They hear 'no' and they tune out the rest of what I say. It annoys me to no end because here I am trying to reason with them and explain my position and they would be more accepting of 'because I said so'. :(
 
krystalhartley said:
I find myself repeatedly asking "why?" and getting "'cause it's always been done this way" as an answer. There may very well be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the way something is done, but I'd like to know what it is...to know that the reason is still relevant and applicable.

Probably the same reason I have always tried to give my children a reason for telling them no. I never accepted the "because I'm the parent" philosophy. When they understand why, they are more accepting and are definitely more inclined to listen when I have an objection.
Click to expand...

One of the things we've learned in management courses is that the best way to get people to do what you need them to do, is to tell them WHY something is done the way it is. You get better results that way than just saying "because that's how we do it". So I totally get this! I try to always give my kids more than a "no" answer if they ask for something, there is always a reason why I'm saying no, and they are entitled to know what it is!
 
krystalhartley said:
I find myself repeatedly asking "why?" and getting "'cause it's always been done this way" as an answer. There may very well be a perfectly reasonable explanation for the way something is done, but I'd like to know what it is...to know that the reason is still relevant and applicable.

Probably the same reason I have always tried to give my children a reason for telling them no. I never accepted the "because I'm the parent" philosophy. When they understand why, they are more accepting and are definitely more inclined to listen when I have an objection.
Click to expand...

YES, this! When I had Luke I vowed to always give him a reason I'm telling him no. It's worked so far!
 
Gosh, I wish my kids stopped to listen to the WHY. I always tell the kids I work with at school why and it helps so much because they don't feel like their thoughts and feelings are just being ruled out, they understand the reasoning. My son especially won't take time to hear what I have to say. He hears no and freaks out, even if what I'm going to tell him will make him happier than whatever he was asking would. Ugh.
 
I'm sure that's very frustrating, Sherri. I'm grateful it works for our family.

And that totally makes sense, Jamie. Especially when something doesn't go as planned. It gives people the knowledge to figure out a Plan B to achieve the desired results rather than just freaking out that they can't do it the same way they always have. And it helps environments to adapt to change and evolution. Wish my in-laws would catch on. :D
 
My kids listen to the why, but then try to argue with my reasoning or start a debate.

Sherri Tierney said:
Gosh, I wish my kids stopped to listen to the WHY. I always tell the kids I work with at school why and it helps so much because they don't feel like their thoughts and feelings are just being ruled out, they understand the reasoning. My son especially won't take time to hear what I have to say. He hears no and freaks out, even if what I'm going to tell him will make him happier than whatever he was asking would. Ugh.
Click to expand...
 
I have to admit I hate rocking the boat so I often swallow such a response. This is a great reminder for me, K :/
 
I love this. Really love it. I'm another who has always given a reason for saying "no" to my daughter. And even now, at 14 she listens to my reasoning and that tends to stop some pouting and attitude. I will admit there are times when she still gets unhappy, especially if she disagrees with my reasons, but she at least understands I'm not just saying no to be the mean mom.
 
This is so very true! I frequently challenge things in business and if people can't tell me why we do something a certain way, I recommend changes (when appropriate). You almost have to condition yourself to think that way. It's not always innate.
 
As a new parent I SO appreciate this!! It's hard to do things differently than the way your parents did sometimes, kwim?
 
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