Regarding girlfriends

[yari]

First off Yari, I've met you in person and you are perfectly lovely and not a bit repelling. If we lived closer, you could call me up anytime to go see a movie!

I think about this topic often. It's interesting how relationships evolve over time. My friends from young adulthood have moved, changed, etc ... I still maintain contact with many of them, but it's definitely less frequent. I wish I had more people in my life I could do things with, but I feel like life gets in the way of me actually cultivating those relationships (I'm tired after work, etc ... yada, yada, yada). Even though I'm extremely extroverted, I'm not good at initiating activities (but I almost always will go when invited). I don't have siblings, so I feel like I miss out on that type of relationship too ... but now I'm rambling

First off, you are the best well-spoken and eloquent person I have ever met in my entire stinking life. Just sayin'. Second, you are soooo sweet Sheri! I sooo would call you up to hang out! I loved meeting you and hanging out with you in Vegas. :wub::wub::wub:

 

[yari]

I've posted about this before, but I have a large circle of local friends and we do things together often. I was just with 4 of them at a sports bar last night watching the football game. We've been friends for about 15 years and I met all of them through my boys. Most of my friends have children the same age as mine. But it hasn't always been that we could get together often, it's just none of us have little kids anymore so we are more free to do things together.

When our kids were little, we met once a week for coffee. I always brought stickers and paper for the kids to keep them busy while we chatted. It started with about 5 of us and as years went by, we added to it, and now there are 18 of us. We still call ourselves the "coffee group." (And I don't drink coffee. )

I also have a smaller set of friends - there are 6 of us. We too have kids the same ages - I am the only one with kids still at home. For that group, we make it a point to celebrate our birthdays together. We even draw names every year for who gets to plan and execute the birthday celebration. And then we do a few more things together throughout the year.

It takes a lot of effort and planning to maintain friendships. I think it's important when you find a few people you might have common interests with, to set up a regular time to get together. Then it's not about someone being the first to call.

All that being said, I really only have 2 friends who love me unconditionally and that's my 2 sisters - who live 1300 miles away. :crying:

OK you've got it all together Mary! Smart woman! And I feel the same way about my sisters but they too live very far away. :/

 

[yari]

some friendships are worth the extra trouble and energy, and some aren't. Knowing the difference makes all the difference for your emotional health and sanity.

Agreed!!

 

[yari]

Yari - move to Florida. I'll be your friend.

I have lots of friends from college and people that I know at work, but I don't really have any close friends. People don't get my digital scrapbooking thing or their kids are so much younger than mine (so then it makes it hard to hang out). My last close friendship ended when I got this job and I travel different places every day. We couldn't count on going to lunch once a week anymore and then she stopped making the effort - so I let it go (plus she told me waaaayyyy too much about her relationship with her husband and I began to hate him which made it hard to do couple stuff.)

Why is making friends so hard as an adult????

LOL you're so sweet Juli!!! OK anyone who feels like they want to be my friend, I am DOWN! Sign me up cause I am not one to say no to friendships and Heaven knows I would love to have a close friend. And YES, making friends as an adult is very hard in my opinion too!

 

[yari]

Reading this made me feel kind of down and yet not alone. For years I have felt defective because frankly I cannot find/keep a close friend. I have tons of acquaintances but long for that close friend that you can share with. Honestly, I have almost given up on the idea. We live in a rural area and getting out there meeting people is difficult. DH and I have talked about this several times and he reassures me that there is nothing 'wrong' with me. But then again I have trust issues after having been hurt in the past by friends. So truthfully I am self conscious and wary. Ugh…it is stressful just typing about it:|

Staying at home with DD is what I want to do but it makes me feel isolated and lonely. What I really wish is that DH and I could find another family with a child DDs age to be friends with.

Ok seriously Casey, you just said a lot of the things that I have experienced too. For me, maybe my friends who I feel are more acquaintances might be willing to establish a closer friendship with me and I just don't know it. I know, there's just no chemistry I guess there, but maybe the chemistry of friendship is something that has to be initiated with a lot of effort. {Hugs to you!} I hope that you are able to find another family you can can be close friends with.

 

[yari]

Yari, it's like you took the words right out of my mind! I think when I met you for all of 5 minutes, I said the regular greetings - I was too nervous. You were not repelling at all!

I can be shy, but once I know you, it gets a little easier. I open up, have a sense of humor! I don't put myself out there, it's a lot of work being a friend and I can be way to shy. I'm also intimidated by people I don't know sometimes, a bit afraid I will offend. Now, once I know you, then I usually speak my mind.

I was having a rough September, and I asked a close friend to go out to chat and get drinks. She knew something was off... and by the end of the night - she couldn't get past how much I shared. It was funny and we joked about it, and it made me realize something. I am overly private at times, and want to be a good listener, a good friend - but then I don't realize that I don't share back. Since that night, we've actually gotten closer.

I always feel that others will not remember me, I'm very forgettable, lol! There are lots of online friends that I would totally love to be closer to, even interact with more on FB/Forums... but I'm afraid. Even on FB, sometimes I wonder if I look like weirdo cause I liked or commented on things...it holds me back. I do think KCB is right in that we are lucky that we have our online friends.

Sorry for the novel... (I feel like I should delete some of this, too much info, lol!)

You are so stinking cute Jenn! And I totally remember when I met you and the whole nine yards, which proves that you are most definitely NOT forgettable. That was a great weekend by the way! I just wish I would have talked more often with you! And after reading your "novel" (LOL, I'm totally joking!) I can tell you that if you ever want to be closer to me, girl I'm here. I could use friends , believe you me, which is probably why I'm brought up the subject. :wub:

 

[jacinda]

OK anyone who feels like they want to be my friend, I am DOWN! Sign me up cause I am not one to say no to friendships and Heaven knows I would love to have a close friend.

Well I thought we were already friends, but just so ya know for sure, I'm here and already lovin' ya :wub: Where's Lydia? We need her too, 'cause good things come in threes, right? :thumbup: