How is everyone dealing right now?

I agree with Amber in that talking about their kids helps them. I think losing a child at anytime in anyway is the hardest thing you will ever go through so it always makes me cry when I think about their mom and dad at home. And it makes me really sad that kids that young have to deal with violence like that. Ive had talks with my son about what to do and what not to do but I think in reality being in a situation is a lot different then talking about it and imagining it.

Oh and my son felt sick today and called to be picked up. My husband was stopped at the guard station (he is in high school so they have a guard station) and was asked for ID even though he know who my husband is. He was asked for ID in the office. And when he went to the clinic they asked for ID. Then he had to show ID to leave the school and sign out. So they have defenitely stepped up security here. But then I heard there were some threats going around so that could be why.
 
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I haven't watched the news at all. Read a few things about it, but I really really try hard to stay away from the emotional sensationalism of it. There are, of course, legitimate things to be discussed, but for me, not in the emotional aftermath. I am not going to tell my 6 year old. He goes to a a small private school and I just don't feel like it's something he needs to know.
 
My kids both know... I have a 6 year old too and I can't watch the coverage.. I just cry and cry. J found out at my mom's on Friday, he got on her computer and it was a headline on AOL, he asked her what a massacre was. Abby knows too, but I talked to her about it more than I did J.
 
My oldest (9) knows what happened. I knew he'd hear about it, and I'd rather it be from us so we could address his fears. He hasn't seen any news coverage, though. I haven't said anything to my younger 2 (a 6 year old with mild autism and a 3 year old). I knew it was going to be too abstract to really affect or worry them, so I decided to wait for now. It will probably come up at some point, most likely from my oldest asking a question about it while they're around.
 
I am just beyond sad. I've watched very little of the coverage because I end up in tears. We had an incident of violence at work on Friday shortly after this happened, which really brought home to me that no one and no where is safe. We all just have to live our lives as best we can and pray that our loved ones come home each day.
 
I've really been trying to avoid it all. I'm with my kids pretty much 24/7, and I try not to watch the news. I had been doing good avoiding thinking about it for the most part, but then tonight Chris and I put on tonights The Voice episode, and the first thing that came up was them singing and holding the name cards of each of the kids and teachers who died. I started bawling. I am very glad none of the kids would have been downstairs when that happened - I haven't told them about it. It is unimaginable to me the pain that those parents are having to go through. :(
 
I wanted to share what our H.S. principal sent to the school community. I highly respect her, and she couldn't have worded this any better. I thought that it may be of help.

As we all help our children through these next days and weeks, we offer some suggestions for working this through with your child. As kids ask questions, answer them truthfully, but do not dwell on the topic. Please be observant for signs of distress and do not hesitate to seek outside support for your child if needed. Share your feelings about what happened, but be careful not to transfer your anxiety to your child. Regardless of your child’s age, it is vital to avoid too much exposure to media coverage of the event. While we all need to process these tragic occurrences, try to avoid allowing children to overhear you talking with other adults about the tragedy. Children pick up on your anxiety and fear. Also remember that routines are extremely important to children, especially when scary things happen.
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I have a 3 and a 7 yo. My 3 yo isn't in school yet, but my 7 yo is in 2nd grade. He and the kids in his class are about the same ages as the victims in CT. It really makes me a little panicky to send him back to school this week. He was sick yesterday so he stayed home, today is his first day back since it happened. I hate the thought of sending him back this week. I'm glad next week is their holiday vacation! But my son's class has a field trip to a local small museum today, and they aren't accepting any chaperones because they don't need them. Makes me a little uneasy, but I have to remind myself that this museum has good security and you have to walk through metal detectors before entering.

We usually go to the mall or other larger shopping centers once a week or at least 3x a month, but I haven't even considered bringing the kids in the past few days, and I know I won't again for the rest of this month at least. I think with the Christmas rush I probably wouldn't have anyway... but especially not now. I haven't brought them back since the shooting at a mall a week or so ago.
 
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I ball every time I see a news report and try to avoid them, too. My oldest boy just turned 7 and I also have a 4 year old and a 2 month old. Sandy Hook doesn't seem much different size-wise or community-wise as our own school, although I think they had more funds and better security in their school which makes it even scarier. It was so difficult to send them to school even this week. My husband who is normally a rock in situations also couldn't help crying every time a news story was on. It is such a horrible thing to happen. :(
 
Friday I held it together okay. I knew nothing about it until around noon when I first turned on the TV after getting home from work. I work at a 2nd-3rd grade school building. I have a 7 year old 1st grader and a 10 year old 5th grader. They each go to different buildings since our school is divided into attendance centers. I knew they were both safe and I knew the kiddos at my building were safe (I have a 7 year old 2nd grade nephew who goes there) so I tried not to think about it. When I went back in to pick up the kids after school (they ride the bus from their buildings to mine where I get them, my building is the closest to our house and our 'home' school), they had the doors locked and the secretary was a little flustered. Our principal was out of the building on Friday so the secretary was the one handling things and it all hit her really hard so her first instinct was to lock everything down.

Friday evening I told my kids, very briefly, what happened. They understood and seemed okay with the knowledge. I assured them that every on of the teachers and staff members at their school would do everything they could to protect them at all times. They accepted that and we went on.

Saturday it hit me. I cried quite a bit on Saturday just thinking about the terror those babies must have felt, all of them, not just the ones who lost their lives. I think about the terror that those left behind had to endure as well and how their lives have changed forever. It tears me apart just to think about it.

On Monday we went back to school/work. I am one of the first people in the building and I greet the children in the lobby and monitor the buses, etc. in the mornings. The principal arrived early and informed me that the superintendent had emailed her saying there would be a police officer at school in the morning. The officer arrived shortly after. We have had an officer in our lobby or outside of the front of the school every morning and every afternoon this week. According to the two officers I've spoken with, there are indefinite plans to have officers at our schools (all 3 buildings) on a daily basis. It definitely makes me feel a little more comfortable. They aren't there ALL day, but they are there enough to really make their presence known and I think that would serve as a deterrent. The officers are also making several rounds during the day by the school so an observer would probably think twice...

On Monday after school my daughter came home with some of the stories her classmates told her. She had heard about the teacher who put her students in cabinets and closets and told the gunman that they were in the gym. She asked if I would do something like that to protect kids at our school. I told her that no one knows what they would do in a specific situation but that when I was there it was my responsibility to protect those kids to the best of my ability. She was pretty distressed to think I could actually die at work. She was less concerned about her safety at school and was focused more on mine. I, of course, worry more about the kids.
 
I have been keeping my thoughts/feelings to myself. It took me awhile to get used to sending my child to daycare and to have such a tragic thing to happen to these babies...I do not like the thought it. I pray for them and their families whenever I think about it.
 
I thought I was handling it pretty well, and then I had to send Rachel to school on Monday. She knew nothing about it...I didn't think she needed to see that on the TV. But some of the other first graders came in after having watched it all over the news the entire weekend...one went so far as to describe the gunman 'blowing kids heads off'. So of course everyone got very upset, kids were crying, and the teachers had to sit the kids down and talk with them.
Rachel didn't have much to say about it to me, until bedtime Monday. And then it was 'what if...' Hard talk to have with her...I thought the sex talk was going to be the toughie.
Anyway, we got through it, and things were feeling better...and then I picked her up today and found out they had to spend the day on lockdown because there were rumors flying around the high school that one of the students was planning a massacre at Rachel's school on Friday. Police found no evidence...it was a 'he said that he said that he said...' kind of thing. But that's not really helping me feel much better about sending her to school on Friday.
 
Oh Stacy! How terrifying!! I'm so sorry that all of you with school-aged little ones are struggling so much. My older kids are in high school, and the baby is just 10 months. So, I'm thankful that I'm not dealing with scared little ones on top of the other emotions. *HUGS*
 
My son's school practiced their lockdown procedure yesterday and the kids asked lots of questions about what if something like that happened in their school. My son is in 4th grade. He told me that he isn't worried because his teacher is a man and will wrestle with the gunman and take away his gun. I didn't dare argue with him or say how a woman would do the same, because I don't want to take away that fragile reassurance that he has.
 
If anyone is looking for resources for talking to their kids, this tip sheet is one of the best I've seen for younger children. It comes from Autism Speaks and is meant for talking to kids with autism about what happened, but a lot of what is on it is relevant for helping young kids not on the spectrum. For example, it mentions how they may reenact the shooting through play and what you can do to reassure them when they do.

Julie Billingsley said:
I didn't dare argue with him or say how a woman would do the same, because I don't want to take away that fragile reassurance that he has.
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I was expecting my 9 year old to be scared, and for a few minutes he was. Then we told him that the gunman had killed himself, too, and there was instant relief on his face. If the guy who did this isn't a threat anymore, then there can't be another shooting. Like you, I'm not doing anything to shatter the comfort he finds in that.
 
I was feeling a little better these last couple days until there was a lock-down at our local middle-school (someone claims to have seen a man with a gun), and then a girl at our high school was, tragically, hit by a car crossing the street and killed on Wednesday. Now I am freaked to let the kids out of my sight again. I just want to hunker down for Christmas, lock the doors and snuggle. I'm sure they'll put up with that for about 3 minutes.
 
My 7 and 5 year olds thankfully have managed not to hear about it. I'm thankful for that.

This happened close to where I live (about 45 minute drive) and it's dominated the news cycle here. I just hurt so much for the families and hope that we never have to go through this again.
 
I've caught little bits here and there. The one thought that's been on my mind is how ruthlessly unfair and tragic it is for parents to outlive their children--even the parents of the adults. :( It hurts my heart.
 
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