How do I have the "present" talk with the bf?

[Jengerbread88]

So, I need some advice. This is my boyfriend and I's first Christmas together, and our first birthdays together (his is Dec. 10, mine is the 11th).

Recently, both of our cars broke down, and he has to replace his (mine was repaired. Expensively). I know neither of us really have the funds to do gifts right now, especially twice in one month, but I KNOW he is the type of guy to place a high importance on giving me something special.

Personally, I'd prefer us just to have a nice night in for our birthdays.

How do I tell him that I'm not sure that either of us are financially in a place to do gifts? Or SHOULD I tell him that? Should I just roll with the expectation we'll do gifts and try to make it affordable? I think if I told him that I didn't want us to feel the need to exchange gifts, he'd accept it, but I also think it'll hurt his pride just a touch... he is very much the "provider" type, and, while I don't think he'd go extravagant if he couldn't afford it, I think two sets of gifts in one month is REALLY hard for both of us. We usually communicate really well, so I don't know why I feel anxiety over having this talk, other than I know that he'll probably be hurt, and I hate that!

 

[jacinda]

Tell him what you just said above, and say you'd like to exchange personal gifts only. Such as these (images clickable for more info):

Open when you need to know how much I love you, open when you don’t feel beautiful, open when you need a laugh, open when you miss me, open when you’re mad at me, open when you need a date night, etc.


Love journal


They're totally personal and straight from the heart. I love the envelope idea. You could even pre address the envelopes in advance, then tell him he just has to write a letter for each envelope. It's a gift that could potentially last the whole year really, depending on how fast you open the envelopes.

 

[nesser1981]

Sean and I since our very first holidays together have always set a spending limit for each other. Our birthdays are 11 days apart, some years we have more to spend and splurge. Some years we say lets just do $50 on stocking stuffers.

 

[rach3975]

I agree with Jacinda; just tell him that since you've both had a lot of expenses lately, you'd rather celebrate your birthdays with time together than with gifts. Or agree on small gifts for both holidays. If you think it will hurt his pride, make it about you and tell him that since you don't have a lot to spend, it would make you uncomfortable for him to spend a lot on you. Good luck!

 

[pewtertm]

My anniversary is one week before Christmas, and hubby and I both have birthdays not long after. And we generally don't have a lot of holiday spending money.
We usually give each other a little something on Christmas morning, but the main thing we try to do is go out and have a nice outing together. It might be a nice dinner and river cruise here in town (free during the holidays YAY), movie night and strolling through the lights in the park, sledding, etc. Just having a nice time together is more important than giving gifts that we really can't afford to give.

 

[MamaBee]

haha... if he is like my DH, he will be happy to be let off the hook on buying a gift... haha...

I'd approach it as lets celebrate our birthdays together... starting a new tradition... homecooked dinner and movie in front of the fireplace... or a festival to go to... more about the event than the $$..

 

[Jengerbread88]

You guys are wonderful. Thank you!!!!!

 

[Jengerbread88]

Jacinda, I checked out your pinboard and got some ideas! I know EXACTLY what I'm doing for Birthday and for Christmas, and we both discussed doing personal gifts instead of something, uh, gifty. Or, whatever it is. I think it'll turn out just fine!

 

[Sherri Tierney]

DH and I moved in together (long before we were engaged even) on Halloween. From the very beginning we combined our finances and shared accounts so we both knew what there was (or wasn't in our case) to spend. We have never really spent money for birthdays (for adults) and we always talk over things and set limits at Christmas. Sometimes we just think of something we both want and go buy it together.