Bullying and consequences... Thoughts

marnel

marnel

Sweet Shoppe SugarBabe
Long and lots of rambling.....
My ds was jumped by 3 kids today. Race has been an issue on their part not my sons. In early jan i made a complaint on his behalf bc he asked me to. Its been ongoing since the beginning of the school year. A contract was made up that they would ignore each other and it helped for awhile.
My ds lol at a joke made by his friend that had nothing to do with any of them they were just looking for a reason to fight with him and that sparked it.
It carried out to recess and when my ds laughed in their face bc of his nerves. That made them more enraged my ds got away and told the teacher these 3 boys are bothering me. He tells my son go report it to the office. He doesnt even offer to walk him no walky talkies to inform the office he is going in so the boys follow him in the gym and they punched, kicked, pushed and tripped him all this time my ds said he was laughing and not fighting back.
I am sure it was a nervous laugh 3 teachers heard and witnessed what happened and seperated all of them.
I didnt even get a phone call to say your son has been in an incident hes fine we will be doing an investigation and are looking into it.
I called and spoke to the asst principal and told him that i didnt agree with how they handled the situation. They tried to make my son apoloigize in mediation w/the counselor to the main bully and he was so irate and upset he said no way he needs to be punished he doesnt care sbout me or consequences so i will not. Im the one that got beat up.
I cant blame him i am beyond upset and had to call the superintendent & tell them this is blatant bulkying and i will not stand for it. She was very helpful but i am so upset at tjis teacher at recess just alone from what my ds said i feel the need to write a complaint about his actions. WWYD if this were your 10 yr old child?
 
Oh, that is so wrong!! Make your son apologize for being the victim????

Did the superintendent say what they are going to do to fix this problem so that this doesn't happen again, to your son or anyone else? What is happening to the bullies? Do they pick on other kids or just your DS, that you know of? What punishment did the bullies get?

I don't know what I would do... my DH thinks I over react when it comes to these kind of things that affect my child... but I probably would request a meeting with those kids parents, principle, and assistant principle and who else that has "power" and demand action - how is the school going to fix this? Do they get walkie talkies for those out in the playground or change policy and have a teacher walk with the child who is being bullied?... I also would demand that the bullies apologize to your son and to you... and then I'd write a letter to every school board member, ccing the teachers that were involved, principles, and superintendent and tell them what happened...

I should note that this is one of the many, many reasons as to why i chose to homeschool... I know me and I know the teachers and schools would get really sick seeing me... I'm a bear and J is my cub... ;)
 
I fully understand that school's have policies in place to ensure the safety of our kids and as a parent, I always teach my children to follow them or understand that there will be consequences. But as a parent, it is never easy to see your child bullied or hurt and having to go through the system is the hardest thing to do. Both my girls have experienced bullying and it took everything in my being not to take care of this myself. Even telling them to take the high road seemed silly to me when I could see the pain that was inflicted on them and the kicker is they go to Catholic schools and had parents who are pillars in the church.

I would be just as mad and reading your post and knowing all you have gone through - my heart breaks for all of you. Race intolerance is taught at home and I am going to guess a discussion with the parents will not lead to any productive resolution so it looks like the school may be your best avenue at this time. Just out of curiosity - why did your son have to apologize? If he did not fight back, not sure what that would be for. I would continue to push, ask for a meeting with the teacher and school - sometimes a face to face is harder to avoid and disregard if they see your anger and pain. I would document this in case you need something for legal reasons later on down the line. I am not sure what the laws are for bullying in your state but here is a good starting point for you here. Please take care - I hope you and your son find some kind of resolution soon. Keeping you in my thoughts Mary....
 
mary, i don't have much to add - i agree with what darla and rebecca have said above. but i do want to add (((hugs))) ... my kids are too young to see bullying yet, but my nephew experienced it for a couple of years before my sister decided to home school him - it literally breaks my heart to even think about it. thinking of you all and hoping this gets worked out quickly!
 
I would certainly be writing a complaint and I would INSIST on a meeting with the teacher, the school counselor, the other kids parents and the principal...that is UNACCEPTABLE! They have walkie talkies on our elementary school playground and honestly they would never let a kid go back in the building without someone. My son has actually gone back in the building during recess (cause he just couldn't handle it with his Asperger's) and went straight to the office cause that was were he felt comfortable (but they certianly let him know that he could NOT go wondering around when he was suppose to be in a certain place)....

again I say MAKE THEM have a meeting with you and make it this WEEK! The sooner the better!
 
I'm so sorry! These things are so hard. I definitely would not be happy with the way the situation's been handled so far. I always try to step back and only intervene when needed but this is certainly one of those instances. I'd be pressing the principal and teachers for a meeting. I think I'd also make sure it was recorded and I'd want a plan of action in writing.
 
Rebecca: Make your son apologize for being the victim???? This was after the meeting with the asst. principal and then off to the school counselor they went. My ds was so mad and was practically crawling out of his skin so he was very loud which I totally get. She wanted them to make peace and not harbor any resentment. I was like what is she thinking right after the incident are you not a school counselor? What was she thinking? I plan on meeting with anyone and everyone. Her actions really made me mad.
Did the superintendent say what they are going to do to fix this problem so that this doesn't happen again, to your son or anyone else? She said she was going to fill out a bullying complaint against the children once she got the names from the school and the investigator would be in touch. They take this very seriously and want to do everything they can to help. A plan of action will be set in place to prevent further incidents. We'll see.
What is happening to the bullies? I am not sure just yet since it was so late in the day when I found out. I guess I'll know more tomorrow :|
Do they pick on other kids or just your DS, that you know of? From what I've heard the main one has a problem with anyone else breathing.
 
d2vasquez said:
Race intolerance is taught at home and I am going to guess a discussion with the parents will not lead to any productive resolution so it looks like the school may be your best avenue at this time.
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This really makes me mad b/c I think the same thing why the big issue with his race? I just can't get that out of my head, I don't teach it, condone it or anything else. :cursing:

d2vasquez said:
Just out of curiosity - why did your son have to apologize?. I am not sure what the laws are for bullying in your state but here is a good starting point for you here..
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She wanted them to make peace but I really feel she should have waited a day and it almost makes it seem like she was saying he was at fault. I'm really disgusted with that. Thanks for that link i'm going to read it more tonight. The more useful info I have the better. :)
 
I would call the police quite honestly. Mainly because three on one is not right no matter what was going on. My kids have all three gotten into fights in school defending themselves only and they always got into trouble even just for defending themselves. So really documenting this stuff is important and if the school is not handling it to your satisfaction then getting the police involved might be the only answer
 
Dana, Angie, Keely Thank you for the input. I am certainly not at all happy, when I get upset I yell and it's so hard not to when talking to the administrators from the school.
I'm definitely having a meeting at school. Dh was so upset and urged me to not let this slip and go to the school in the am regardless of what they said today on the phone. We always say take the higher road but I'm just drained with this ongoing situation and have told my ds to do what he needs to do if he feels threatened. My ds said it first but I couldn't not agree with him bad as it sounds but 6mths later I know I'm ready to SNAP!! I can't even to imagine how my poor lil guy feels...
 
Jessica, you said the same thing my dh said. He wants it documented b/c it's been an ongoing issue but this has been the first incident where they've hit him 3 on 1. I'm looking into it now... :|
 
I hate this happened to your son & I hope he is okay. :( Just from the stories of what my nieces had to deal with at school, I definitely think you will be doing the right thing by going up there in the morning. I would want everyone involved to be in on a meeting/discussion at some point. The teacher definitely played a part too; why would he/she let your son walking in the building alone after knowing what was happening? That is just nonsense. I would be very angry with the school for not calling me after this happened. Why would they wait? They must know this whole situation could have been avoided if they had followed protocol. I hope you are able to get this sorted out.
 
I agree on the documentation.....and definetely don't let this go cause it is uncalled for....
 
Tronesia said:
I hate this happened to your son & I hope he is okay. :( Just from the stories of what my nieces had to deal with at school, I definitely think you will be doing the right thing by going up there in the morning. I would want everyone involved to be in on a meeting/discussion at some point. The teacher definitely played a part too; why would he/she let your son walking in the building alone after knowing what was happening? That is just nonsense. I would be very angry with the school for not calling me after this happened. Why would they wait? They must know this whole situation could have been avoided if they had followed protocol. I hope you are able to get this sorted out.
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Tronesia, exactly my thoughts. The asst principal said he was doing his investigation and hoping the mediation would go well between Gio and the main bully but my ds refused to let things go he said he needs to be punished. I'm tired of this and he doesn't care one ounce for me. So the ap said he needed time to question the other students at recess and the teacher that sent him inside. sighhh :closedeyes: He said I was on his list to call and I said at the end of the day when my son was already on his way home on the bus w/the same kids that beat him up that is great thinking on your part. I really let him have it. I told him as an administrator he should've called me and let me know what happened and explained the issue b/c of his non actions he now had an irate parent in his ear. I shouldn't have to tell him how to act on his own behalf or the school's. :cursing:
 
marnel said:
I shouldn't have to tell him how to act on his own behalf or the school's. :cursing:
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omg...this exactly:cursing: isn'
t that we they get paid for, too look out for the well being of ALL of our children????
 
marnel said:
Angie, I felt bad telling him how it is but I was so upset :p
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Don't feel bad! It sounds like they've made quite a few mistakes in handling the situation, both today and over the past months. Unfortunately, an angry parent is sometimes the only way to get the school to take something seriously.
 
i have been bullied in my school years and i know how this can affect your whole life :-/ sometimes i wonder if grown-ups ever get, that it is not a tiny thing that happened for me but it is something that affects the whole school.
because when kids get away with threatening and beating up, then the whole school is in terror. maybe not everyone is aware but it is the case.

and if this had happened to a grown up, he/she would definitely call the police and see the doctor. why should this be any different with kids?

i know, schools want to keep the loudness low on these issues because it leads to bad reputation and a lot of administration. this makes me mad.

i am happy that you stand up for your ds, because my parents didn't care most of the time. and i really would have needed some help.
 
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