My daughter did the unthinkable

[scrappychic]

We were leaving Starbucks and as we walked to the parking lot, a heavy set couple was getting out of their car. She started pointing to the man and started laughing saying he had a big belly. I quickly grabbed her and told her to stop. We got a little further away from the the shop and DH got into her and told her that was mean and not funny at all. She started crying, totally humiliated and upset. It was her 1st time doing something like that in public. She probably got it from when we joke around about DH's beer belly at home.

Well, we kept walking home, but DH said she should apologize to the man. I thought of it too, but seeing that she was in tears I thought that was punishment enough and it WAS her first time. Hope she learned from her mistake, but I was wondering how you would deal with this? Would you make your kid apologize? Would you handle it differently? She's almost 5.

[crecia27]

I think yall handled it right. I know as a parent we have all been there at some point - and if the comment had been about me I could kind of laugh it off - but if the whole family walks back up to appologize I think I'd then be horribly embarassed.

[Paula]

Well, I got after mine too. Normally, I would have her apologize, but since she was so emotional about it, I think she learned her lesson.

[DawnMarch]

It sounds like she has learned her lesson. I think all kids do that at one time or another -- they just don't think before they talk!

[Darcy Baldwin]

I think you handled it well. And being a 'woman of size' (LOLOL) I'd actually be more embarrassed to have her come apologize than if you just handled it as you did, correcting her about how to act in public, and allowing it to just be. She's a small child, and will learn. If she was older, that'd be a whole different story in any context. But you guys did fine.

[lizzyfizzy]

awww...i'm a pretty strict mom and i think that it was an honest mistake. i would've NEVER made my child go back and apologize for the very reason that it would've been further embarassment for the overweight person. if i were a jolly ole' soul and someone came up to me and made their child apologize to me for calling me fat, i would be devastated! a stern warning that those words are hurtful and that sometimes we need to keep our opinions to ourself is good enough.

[meems]

i think you handled it fine and I think that's a common thing for kids. it doesn't sound like she did it out of malice or anything like that.

[chloe]

Since I don't have kids, I can't tell how I would have reacted as parent, but having a DBF who is obese, I think I would have been even more embarassed by an apology of a crying child. She's still young!

BTW, you would think that seeing someone overweight would teach kids to handle this more naturally, uh? Well, nope! My SIL told me that her daughter (about 5 yo at that time) was once in a shop, looking at an overweight woman with big eyes. MY SIL thought "It's ok, she's been seeing Guy (my DBF) all her life, she won't..." "Mommyyyyyy, she's fat, that lady, isn't she?" Gasp! And we're living in a very small town where everyone knows everybody! My SIL had to apology to the woman and then wait until she was out of the shop for her turn to be served!! She still feels very embarrassed about it, and she meets that lady all the time in town! LOL

[newfiemountiewife]

I would not have made her apologize either. She is still young, and tact doesn't develop til much older (if at all with some people LOL). I think you did the right thing.

[Amy Carey]

Originally Posted by aslansavz

I think you handled it well. And being a 'woman of size' (LOLOL) I'd actually be more embarrassed to have her come apologize than if you just handled it as you did, correcting her about how to act in public, and allowing it to just be. She's a small child, and will learn. If she was older, that'd be a whole different story in any context. But you guys did fine.

I was JUST about to say this. Having her apologize would have drawn more attention to the incident and made the man even more uncomfortable, so I agree, you handled it well.

[scrappychic]

I thought it might be equally embarrassing for the guy too. I don't know how I would react to it if it happened to me. She was humbled by the whole incident, only time will tell if she learned a lesson. My DH, who is biacial, grew up with kids calling him names all the time. He and his twin sister had to endure lots of name-calling growing up in the 70s so he feels really strongly about it.

I hope she got the point, only time will tell. Thanks for your thoughts everyone!

[Leila]

I'm fat. I know I'm fat. While I don't really care to have it pointed out to me, it's reality, and it does happen. I would definitely prefer that a child who says it NOT apologize to me, not for my sake, but for their own. In the long run, I'd be more bothered by a child's comment if their parent didn't speak with them about tact.

[my4boys]

Yeah, that is what I have done in the past and it worked out fine...none of them have ever done it again!!!!!

[ajf9597]

I think you handled it the right way as well.

[mrs_jb]

I agree with the other ladies, that you handled the situation very well. I've never been in a similar situation with my kids yet, but I would do much the same thing, should it ever come up.

[Angie4b1g]

OMG my son did that in Hobby Lobby when he was like 3 and the lady was YELLING at me. I was already horribly mortified and he was crying because I yelled at him and she was just going NUTS on me.

If a kid said that to me, I wouldn't be offended because I know how kids are, and hell I AM fat. She got ALL bent out of shape and was just gasping and carrying on. It was really uncomfortable for all of us.

[sweetnsassy]

I was in a simialr situation, except it was a (okay I totally dont know the PC term these days), um, little person? My daughter pointed to him and made a comment, but I really don't think she was trying to be mean, she just had never seen a man like him before. I explained that it was rude to point and discussed it with her. that's really all you can do, that and hope it doesn't happen again. I think you handled it well!!

[wildblueeyez]

Ah yes, the sweet age of innocents! I agree with everyone who said that by correcting her immediately you probably did the most to teach her.

[ditzyscrap]

It sounds like you did the right thing!

I've been pretty lucky *so far* with that...I always cringe when we go to the hospital for Mason's appointments because there are people with broken limbs, in wheelchairs, who have obvious disabilities, etc, and I just dread that my kids will say something. They haven't so far, but my MIL, OMG! Someone needs to duct tape that woman's mouth shut! She POINTS THEM OUT to my kids and then talks really loudly about it (usually about broken limbs, or people with halos, etc...never someone disabled). It's so embarassing!

[kscwgirl]

I agree w/ Darcy as well. Poor kid. I think you handled it fine, Sam.

[OrianaVianey]

I think you handle it well.
I myself will make my son apologize. Just a simple "Sorry for being rude".