Sabotaging???

[marnel]

Am I sabotaging my dd's love life? TWICE shes come to me about guys and they never made it to the door.
I am very serious about meeting my dds love/so interests. Ive talked to her about positive men and negative and relationships with the family mom/dad etc.
Shes been on dates movies, dinner, ice cream and thats it.
I am brutaly honest with her because I want her to be aware of a good person snd expectations for someone her age and where they are in life. Is that bad or do other parents do the same?
I do want her to be happy & date but not sure if im scaring her or making her push them away... One was a nice kid but lets face it he was a party animal and jyst got out of a 2yr relationship. The other nice kid but he has a record, no car, & hates his mom
Any advice for me its my first real experience with this bc RoRo left after high school with her dad. Charlie passed and now Miss Helena is 19 and in school still at home with us. Gahhhh its just so hard bc twice ive just had this part taken away....

[ricslady]

I say you should be thankful she listens to you. My daughters don't and they have been in some terrible relationships.

[Traci Reed]

Sounds like you're giving her good advice and she's following it!

[Keely~B]

Hugs Mary! It's hard. I think you're both being smart.

I am very serious about meeting my dds love/so interests. Ive talked to her about positive men and negative and relationships with the family mom/dad etc.

I am brutaly honest with her because I want her to be aware of a good person snd expectations for someone her age and where they are in life. Is that bad or do other parents do the same?

You are definitely NOT alone in this.

[julifish]

I think if you are getting her to think about what she wants in a person and what qualities she should be looking for then it's fine. If she asks your opinion then you should most definitely give it. But, if she isn't asking then I'd let it go for a little while before I, personally, would give my opinion - she might see it for herself.

I think you are being a good mom. Getting our kids to talk to us is such a hard thing. I think it's fabulous that she wants your opinion, but ultimately she needs to know that it has to be her that makes the final decision.

You're doing good Ma!

[Lyd]

I have ZERO experience in this arena, but I agree with the others . . . you are doing a good job. If you have teenagers who listen to your advise, I'd say you're doing a stellar job!! Hang in there mama.

[taracotta7]

Sounds like you are giving great advise. They have to learn it and who better than the person that loves them most in the world to teach them? Seriously. Cut yourself some slack. Parenting is a hard gig. I think you got this though. You are doing a great job. We aren't just raising kids.......we are trying to raise great adults. Good job, momma.

[glumirk]

I wouldn't be too worried. I wasn't ready for a serious relationship at 19, but met DH when I was 20 and ready. It's great that you can have such an open and honest relationship with your daughter. It'll help her be open and honest with the guys she meets.

[marnel]

Aww, Thank you all so much for this! I was honestly doubting if I was doing the right thing by letting her know my true feelings.

She is very open with me and I absolutely respect that about her. I don't need to know every detail but it's nice that she's always willing to share.

After reading this I had to ask her about this 2nd guy and what happened and she said that if he wanted her he had to show it, meet his goals and no more dates till then. She wasn't comfortable with picking him up to go out and it felt weird. So after our last talk she said I was right about things I had told her and considered that before putting things on hold with him. I told her I just want you to be happy and know that I won't always agree with all her decisions but we can always talk about them, in the end it's her decision and hugged.

I feel better now :* Thanks again

[YepBrook]

I agree with the others.

Sometimes being a good mother is when we " sabotage" or whatever you call it. It's something she will thank you for when she's chosen a guy who is a real winner. Xoxo

[DawnMarch]

I think you are being a good mom. I started at a very young age trying to explain to my daughter that the Disney "fall madly in love with your true love and live happily ever after thing" isn't reality and is, in fact, probably a dangerous thing to teach girls. I know it's fun to believe in soulmates, love at first sight, etc., but I think girls have to know that in the long run, the crush fades and you aren't going to be happy unless you are with someone who will treat you with respect, kindness and will WORK to make the relationship last. And, at 19, she is at an age where she could definitely get involved with someone seriously, so it's important to make sure it's the right someone.

[nun69]

I think you are being good too and my DD never really even had a boyfriend until right before she graduated high school (they are still together, off and on over the summer) but he doesn't have alot of goals or ambitions and honestly he could be a hermit the rest of his life and be perfectly happy....she HATES his mom (and he does for the most part) and so I am honest with her and tell her that if you guys stay together his mom is going to be part of your family, that is just how it goes. I do forever see them not lasting forever and think this will be a good exposure to some real life situations.....I feel ya ma and right now I am having to give her some tough love and she is gonna end up having to move out and starting finding out what life really is all about cause she can't seem to figure it out living at home and refuses to listen to us