Has your child ever quit a sport?

[kendallt]

Some of you who are my FB friends probably know that my daughter has been doing gymnastics for many, many years (8 to be exact - competitively for the last 3). She started immediately after we moved here when she was 6, so gymnastics and the gym we've been at have literally been a part of our lives for as long as we've lived in this town.

The competition season that just ended was a rough one. My daughter (and I) have been frustrated with her lack of progress and the fact that her coach doesn't seem to have a lot of confidence in her and doesn't seem willing to help her with the elements in which she's been struggling. I've approached her coach about private lessons to help with some of the issues, and she just keeps telling me my daughter "isn't ready." I don't understand this because she seems more than willing to help the other girls on her team. My daughter has also come home from multiple practices lately upset and crying, telling me she feels like her coach is picking on and being mean to her.

All of this is frustrating enough on its own, but there's an even more convoluted issue in that her coach and my ex husband have been having an on again-off again relationship since we got divorced. That makes things extremely awkward for me because I don't always feel I can speak my mind or push as hard as I would with any other coach due to that situation.

So, over the weekend, my daughter told me she's thought a lot about this, and she's decided she wants to quit. I told her she has to finish out the month because 1. it's paid for and 2. they are having team awards at the end of the month, and since she competed all this year, I feel like she should stick around for that. I am just feeling so conflicted. I want my daughter to be happy and can't see continuing to spend a crazy amount of money on a sport she's no longer enjoying, but I'm also SO sad to think of gymnastics and her gym and the people in it no longer being a part of our lives. Has anyone ever had a similar experience? It is SO hard being a parent sometimes.

[olivesparrow]

Is there any coaches you can change to? someone who may help reignite the passion?

[adi&co.]

is there another coach you can switch to? That's really annoying that she's taking whatever she's feeling towards you/your ex out on her. Very childish. I bet you anything that if you found her a new coach, that she would blossom again. Feeling put down can really take the fun out of something you've loved for years.

[mariewilcox]

To answer your question without touching on your specific situation, yes, Cheyanne has quit a sport. She started playing soccer at 4 years old and played on 2 teams right through 7th grade. At the start of 8th grade she decided she really didn't want to continue anymore - there wasn't a specific reason; she just felt like her time with it was done. I was really surprised but in the end it has been a good decision.

She decided to run cross country for 8th grade and then this year when she started high school she didn't do a fall sport at all and focused on joining a couple organizations (Key Club and AFS, which is American Field Service and is a multi-cultural club that involves exchange students), and she focused on her studies. Basketball is her first love so she devoted herself to basketball season.

In a way she had a lot more wisdom than I did about the whole thing... I was a bit crushed that she didn't want to play soccer anymore after so many years and hours devoted to it but she had the maturity to realize it wasn't what was going to define her life as she got older - she knew/knows that she needs to branch out and have new experiences.

[rach3975]

Is there any way your daughter could take a short break and then decide whether to start again under a new coach, even if it means she's in a less competitive program? On the one hand I think a child should be allowed to quit when they're ready, but in this case it sounds like she's done with the current situation and can't separate that from the sport as a whole. Maybe some time away or in a lower pressure program would rekindle her love for gymnastics.

[SeattleSheri]

What a tough situation to be in! The dynamic between the coach and your ex definitely complicates things and I'm sure it has something to do with the way your daughter is being treated. Can your ex try to help this situation? Has your daughter said anything to him about it? What kind of things is the coach saying to her?

If your daughter still loves gymnastics and the only the frustration is with the specific coach, I'd definitely look into alternatives. If there aren't any other coaches then I'd probably make her ride out the month and then take a break.

I hope it works out! Keep us posted!

[Valgal]

Well, minus the awkward relationship part (yikes!) I've gone through that same thing. My dd wanted to quit gymnastics a whole year before I finally let her. Here's the reason I made her wait so long... she has a reputation for being fickle. She'll hate something one month, love it the next, and despise it the following. I wasn't about to let her quit and then wish she hadn't a few months later. We finally had a heart to heart about it floating the pool one day and I told her I would let her. When she started missing it I let her take a jazz class and she really liked it.

That's the tricky thing about gymnastics, it can't really be a life long thing unless you want to coach or judge. So... I guess it wouldn't be the worst thing in the world, but I get the struggle. I cried my eyes out our last day in the gym. And I kinda had to fight through some angry feelings I had towards HER because she made the choice to leave and I lost the 'gym mom' status. I had to sort of reinvent myself, detach myself from her and not put my identity in HER activities. It's hard to separate ourselves from our kids lives sometimes.

Consider this though, if your dd has been this committed and dedicated to her sport all these years (and you know gymnastics is all-in!) I'm sure she will find some other activity to be passionate about. KWIM? She might be ready to pour her energy out into something else.

[kendallt]

Thank you guys for all the replies. Unfortunately, the gym my daughter is in is a family-owned business, so the only other coaches are the coach's mom and sister.

And finding another gym is really out of the question for us since the closest one is almost an hour away. Logistically, I can't seem to figure out a way to make that work. I told my daughter that if she decides she misses it after taking some time off, she can always go back.

[abm234]

Personally, I would make her finish out this season since the end is so close. After that, I would allow her to quit but make sure that she stays healthy and active through some other activity (either organized activity or just exercise at home). I would put the emphasis on being healthy and active rather than having to be competitive. One of my daughters has gone through something very similar over the last year and ended up quitting volleyball and softball. I can tell that it is such a weight off her tiny little shoulders and I don't regret it.

[MommaTrish]

We don't really do sports, but every year with choir and Scouts we tell the kids that if they sign up, commit, and we pay for it that they have to finish out the year. Mind you, they never came home crying so that might change how we felt. There was a year where Zach was very frustrated by it all. He had after school reading programs he went to and was at Mondays, Tuesdays, and Thursdays until 5 and then he came home and did homework and we were from 6-8 on Mondays and Thursdays for Ryan's soccer, Tuesdays for Scouts and Wednesdays for church. He was way overwhelmed by this schedule and we had a lot of meltdowns over it because he felt he didn't have time to do anything. But since the reading program only had limited spots and he committed to taking one so that someone else couldn't that he had to finish it. The next year when he was invited again we passed, but then this year when he was invited he jumped at it. So I second the suggestion of letting her take a year off. Maybe it will improve how she feels about it.

[KristinCB]

The nice thing about her taking a break means maybe she will have some time to pursue some new interests or things that she hasn't been able to get involved with because of the time commitment with gymnastics?

[Sherri Tierney]

My kids aren't that in to sports. They might play this season, but then skip it next season. We don't push them to continue if they don't want to. My daughter played soccer for a bit but then didn't want to play again. My son is playing little league this year but may decide not to next year. For us it is pretty casual until they get into school sponsored sports.

However, both kids did quit scouts. My daughter quit when school activities and church youth group became more important than Girl Scouts. I was fine with it and ready for her to quit because her troop leader had left and the girls were floundering with the new leader anyway. My son quit this year. I was his den leader. It got to where he cried every week when we had to go. I had to force him to go because I had to be there. The whole time we were there he would act up and misbehave. I didn't want to be there with him acting that way and figured if he had a different leader it might help. I turned in my resignation to our cub master. A few weeks later during a meeting my son had a major melt-down and I carried him out of there, kicking and screaming. We didn't go back. I intended to, but a few days later he was suspended from school for a behavioral issue. I decided right then that it was more important to get him back in line than to try and deal with 12 other boys each week in cub scouts. - Happy to report my son has done a 360 on his behavior. No idea what caused previous issues, but thankful to be past them.

[kristijoy]

I think every case is unique. Perhaps this is a way for the universe to give her a signal that it's time to move on.

My son quit Kuk Sool (martial arts) about a year ago, he was just plain bored. But now he's playing baseball and just in LOVE.

I think the key is to make sure she puts the time and energy into another activity, whether it's a sport or something like developing an artistic pursuit, like painting or playing a musical instrument. I would keep the energy flowing even if it takes another form.

[dana]

My daughters are quitting gymnastics this year too - after several years on the competitive team. It is definitely a weird feeling - since I am at the gym so much as well! We actually had to make some decisions this year about which sport to drop because they couldn't fit everything in - they both do figure skating, tennis and gymnastics (and skiing in the winter) and there is just no way to fit it all in next year because each sport adds more and more practice time as you move up the ranks. I really want them to continue tennis because it's a sport they can play/enjoy for the rest of their lives - so they had to pick between skating and gymnastics. they love both - but skating won in the end.

I am sorry that you are having so many problems with they coach That's really sad because I am sure she would be enjoying it otherwise. But maybe this can be a good opportunity to try something new!

[kendallt]

I REALLY appreciate all the replies and encouragement, ladies. We've made the decision that once this month is over, she will be taking a break from the gym indefinitely. Technically, since the competition season has ended, she's finished the year and fulfilled any team requirements, so this is a good time to step away.

As I said, I'm sad but am trusting that this is the best decision for her. She's already expressed an interest in trying competitive cheerleading (She cheered for several years when she was younger). She will be trying out for an all-star team tonight and tomorrow. It all happened extremely fast, but since try-outs are this week, we had to move quickly. She usually does a summer swim league but decided earlier not to do that. Instead, she's thinking of swimming for her high school team this fall. So, between these two new activities, I'm hoping to keep her busy and physically active - and most importantly - happy!

[newfiemountiewife]

My two daughters do several dance classes, and we are in a similar situation. Amelia does 11 classes, 3 are exam intensive classes. Rachael does 6, 2 are exam intensive. Both girls have worked on their ballet exam for 2 years to get it ready to go to the evaluator. When exam time came this year, they both "weren't ready" after two full years of doing the same exercises over and over. For my girls, it was heightened by the fact that they were both the only kids in their respective grades not going.

They both love dance, but do not have the natural, raw talent. They have to work very hard. After two years of working so hard, they still were unable to go. Why is it ONLY my kids? They were heartbroken and depressed. They don't want to quit, but it's not worth it to work so hard, and be so unhappy. What are my kids doing differently or wrong to make them not ready?

I am proud of my girls for sticking with it, but I'm trying to steer them toward something they might excel at, and just dance recreationally. Sorry, that was a rant of it's own…but I get it!

[Beebo]

Adrienne has been bowling for 2 years now in a league. Now she feels she doesn't want to be in a league any more and just go to bowl. I think I will let her quit. She will be 11 in August so maybe we can find something else to do.
The year before she began bowling she was in softball. That didn't turn out to good because she was bullied by a couple of team mates and the coaches wouldn't do anything because the kids that were bullying her were the coach's kids. After the season ended I pulled her out.

[kendallt]

Originally Posted by newfiemountiewife

My two daughters do several dance classes, and we are in a similar situation. Amelia does 11 classes, 3 are exam intensive classes. Rachael does 6, 2 are exam intensive. Both girls have worked on their ballet exam for 2 years to get it ready to go to the evaluator. When exam time came this year, they both "weren't ready" after two full years of doing the same exercises over and over. For my girls, it was heightened by the fact that they were both the only kids in their respective grades not going.

They both love dance, but do not have the natural, raw talent. They have to work very hard. After two years of working so hard, they still were unable to go. Why is it ONLY my kids? They were heartbroken and depressed. They don't want to quit, but it's not worth it to work so hard, and be so unhappy. What are my kids doing differently or wrong to make them not ready?

I am proud of my girls for sticking with it, but I'm trying to steer them toward something they might excel at, and just dance recreationally. Sorry, that was a rant of it's own…but I get it!

Ugh...I am sorry, Jamie. It does sound like we're in a similar situation! Like I said, being a parent sucks sometimes.

[kendallt]

Originally Posted by Beebo

Adrienne has been bowling for 2 years now in a league. Now she feels she doesn't want to be in a league any more and just go to bowl. I think I will let her quit. She will be 11 in August so maybe we can find something else to do.
The year before she began bowling she was in softball. That didn't turn out to good because she was bullied by a couple of team mates and the coaches wouldn't do anything because the kids that were bullying her were the coach's kids. After the season ended I pulled her out.

That is awful about the bullying and that the coaches were unresponsive. I don't blame you for pulling her out if they refused to address it. That is one thing I am looking forward to about this cheer program Logan just started. The coach seems to take bullying very seriously and has a ZERO tolerance policy. She apparently even dismissed a parent from the program last year for causing problems and drama.

[JennNtheBoys]

It's always tough on everyone especially after such a long time being involved, because these people really do become a part of our 'extended family', but like you said, if the interest is gone there is no point in pushing it. My boys have played many sports and have eventually moved on, but like you, I have always insisted on them finishing the season they were in.... I just feel that beyond just the sport, it teaches them to follow through with commitments. I hope your daughter finishes the season with her head held high, and pride in her heart.