"The talk"... yikes!

[Laura_A]

So, my oldest daughter Riley is 10 1/2 years old. I've already had to buy her real bras (32A, but still). I think it's time to have "the talk" and I'm kinda freaked out. lol She has read a pretty good book that explains the changes happening in her body and I think she understands that part, but the rest is up to me. Eeek!

Anyone gone through this yet? How'd you approach it? How'd it go?

[[michele]]

Originally Posted by Laura_A

How'd you approach it?

Plugged my ears, said "LALALALALALA", and buried my head in the sand?

I got her the "Care and Keeping of You" AG book and she has done "that" unit and seen "the" movie at school. I have told her that if she has questions, she should never be embarrassed to ask me.

My almost 11 dd is a gymnast so I suspect her period is still several years away. I thought next summer (summer before middle school) would be an appropriate time to begin more in-depth conversations about boys and sex. I'll have to work on it - right now my idea of a conversation is a pretty one-sided "YOU WILL BE MY BABY FOREVER AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE SEX. EVER. END OF DISCUSSION".

[Ginger_79]

Nope. No kids of my own here. But I do remember some bits from how my mom told me. I think I was a good bit younger than your daughter, so she didn't give me much detail about the fun stuff. At that age I was more interested on a science curiousity level anyway. The pictures of a baby in a belly. How it grows, how it gets its food and such.

Maybe buy one of these cute books they use in school to teach the little ones all about it? Uhm..thinking of it...do they do that where you live? In my school in Germany we had a very sweet and appropriate book walking us to how a baby gets there, gets bigger, how it works in a hospital...
You could search for some online. That way you will have pictures to show that are ok for this age. And you have a guide to get through the topic.

And LOL Michele. You could also tell her it's only ok to have sex with boys that come with certain characteristics. And then make a looong list.

[Jengerbread88]

Originally Posted by [michele]

"YOU WILL BE MY BABY FOREVER AND YOU WILL NEVER HAVE SEX. EVER. END OF DISCUSSION".

Sounds about right.

I'm glad that I don't have kids yet, if for no other reason than avoiding this discussion. Haha!

[Jengerbread88]

I *do* hope the video has improved since I saw it in 5th grade... we had a "pankcake" video.

Yup. It was a woman making breakfast and one of the girls got her period, and she demonstrated what their inner lady parts looked like by making a pancake replica.

....then they ate it.


:: pukes ::

[Laura_A]

Originally Posted by HappyLilGrahamCracker

Yup. It was a woman making breakfast and one of the girls got her period, and she demonstrated what their inner lady parts looked like by making a pancake replica.

....then they ate it.


:: pukes ::

HAHA! That's hilarious! I don't remember any of the stuff they showed us in school. Musta been too traumatic!

[SmallFry73]

Yikes! I have boys so Imma leave that one up to DH!

[Sharon Kay]

Originally Posted by SmallFry73

Yikes! I have boys so Imma leave that one up to DH!

Well what IF he DOESN'T do the talk? Have you thought about that??? My oldest is 21 and dh never talked to him ... so I have talked to all the boys.

I wanted them to have a woman's perspective on it ... plus let them KNOW that they cannot TRUST a woman for BC protection ... I had 2 roommates that told the guys they were taking it when they were not ... they were using it to trap the guys ... both got pg and both tried to get the guys to marry them... both guys said no way ... one got an abortion and the other had her baby on her own. Me ... I got the YKW out of there!! I didn't realize they were like that before I became roommates. In other words ... wait until you are married ... but just in case they don't ... I wanted them to be wary and careful.

We haven't even had a "first date" here with the boys ... so no one is rushing into anything at the moment ... which is fine with me ... get your education and then start looking.

[Leah]

Our daughters are 7 and almost 9 and we've started...

Not because they're asking, but because they need to be informed. We're even using proper terminology with our 4yo.

Scares the crap out of me. But they say that children who are informed and it's evident that they have a "talking" relationship with their parents, are less likely to be victimized.

We bought "The New Speaking of Sex" - what your child needs to know and when they need to know it.

Excellent book!!

[ajfries]

I had that AG book, Care & Keeping of You. I bought it myself (with my mom's knowledge). It has everythign from different types of bras to how to use a tampon.

As for "the talk", I think it is something most parents naturally shy away from. Understandably so. But honestly, if we as parents aren't straight forward with our kids; they are going to get the information (probably unreliable) from someone else. Peers, magazine, the internet....their own experience. I think that is a huge reason why we're seeing a dramatic increase in sexually active kids (Yeah. KIDS. Not just teens.)

[krystalhartley]

I think my own experience (both having it explained to me and then explaining it to my kids), is that it happens in stages. At first, you are fairly clinical about it. Strip away the morality and pressure and emotions and just explain biologically what happens and the possibly pregnancy that can follow. To be honest, this answers *most* of the questions they have at first and helps to tone down the curiosity that could lead to inappropriate situations later.

As they are ready, you can start imposing your morality and discussing how they "feel" about it. Take advantage of scenarios that pop up in books, TV, movies, and music to get an idea of where they are sitting with the whole thing.

I continue to ask my daughter (15) about any crushes, being careful not to exclude the possiblity of same sex feelings. I try to get a feel of possible situations and then we discuss what "might happen" and how she'd respond. I'm quite blunt about things. I try to present things to her less in a "I say so" or "God said so" and more in a way to get her to think through events and consequences.

My son is 10 and we've also had lots of interesting discussions. Here's some entertainment for you...
Landon part 1
Landon part 2

[DawnMarch]

I agree that it kind of happens in stages. I explained to my 9 y.o. daughter one "girls night" about how babies are made because I wanted to make sure she didn't hear it somewhere else. It was definitely more of a clinical "isn't it weird that our bodies work that way" kind of talk. We'll get more into the relationship aspect of it soon now that she's 10.5. As for periods, I've basically told her about them all along in just a matter-of-fact way that this is just something a woman's body does as part of being able to make babies.

[Jengerbread88]

My mom had bought me a series of books, and gave me each when I reached the right age-appropriate stage. We also went to several "mother daughter" conferences, that presented facts, and gave moms and daughters time to talk one-on-one to each other and ask questions, while still there in the room with the facilitator, so if the mom had a question about how to explain something, a trained facilitator was there to help out.

[digideb]

Well, I have NO idea what I'll do when I have kids. My mom talked to me about my period once, & that was it. No other talks about anything else. The first time I ever heard her say s.e.x. was the week before my wedding when she said, " I guess I should ask if you have any questions about s.e.x.." Yeah. I was like, "No, Alan & I have talked. & I have married friends & a sister-in-law. I'm good!" She was shocked. But, yeah, I totally don't want it that way w/my kids. I want to be open about it. I had lots of questions growing up, but I didn't feel like I was allowed to ask, so I just didn't. But, my dad was a youth pastor while I was growing up, so he had books that he used for counseling & stuff...yeah, I knew right where they were & read whenever I was curious. lol

[Sarah8914]

I have no idea what we're going to do! My parents never talked to us about it. Our church and family taught to wait until marriage and that was enough for all of us kids (somehow). Of course I heard things at school, but it didn't really phase me... and I kind of like that I was "sheltered."

However, I think things are VERY different now, or maybe it's just because I'm a parent now. I don't think I can avoid it, but my oldest is great at asking questions if she hears something and doesn't understand... so I'll wait as long as I can... and definitely encourage her to ask and talk to me!

[jessica31876]

I had the talk with my daughter when she was pretty young. Kinda generic because she was really young but she asked about where babies come from when I was pregnant with my youngest son. She was 6. So it was pretty basic. When she got older I would just add more when the subject came up then I told her when she got to the dating age about protection and what I felt about her having sex (that she should wait until she was married)

ETA: After reading responses I agree it is more of a bunch of conversations and not just one and it is over. My boys have not really broached the subject and neither seems very interested in girls yet. With my daughter though we had lots of conversations about different things regarding sex, her period, PMS, birth control, her feelings about boys and boys.

[Keely~B]

My personal parenting style is to not have "the talk", instead we've had a lot of small, informal, age appropriate conversations. I've answered a lot of questions, they usually come to me but I make my DH talk from the guy/medic point of view too. We've always been very open with our kids, we use correct terminology for body parts etc., they know the human body male and female. My oldest DD has always been very curious and she knows quite a lot. The youngest isn't nearly as curious,she knows a little bit. I admit it's sometimes kind of "ugh" but I feel it is so important that my DD's feel comfortable talking to me that I'll suck up any uncomfortable feelings to be open. We also talk about the feelings, and consequences not just the acts and facts KWIM?

[pewtertm]

I haven't had 'the talk' with Rachel...she just turned 5 and seriously would have no clue what I was talking about. She knows that babies grow inside the mommy...she just hasn't asked how the baby gets in there in the first place.
Since the women in my family have all hit puberty early (mom, aunt, and I were all about 8--3rd grade), it probably won't be very long until we start talking about it.

When she asks, I'll talk to her...we've got a book about it somewhere on her bookshelf. My mom gave me the talk (read a book) when I was 6. I know some might think that was pretty young...but her mother didn't talk to her until she was like 15 yrs old). She was mad at my grandma...told her she could have had 7 or 8 kids by then and not known why. Point taken, mom.