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Originally Posted by joelsgirl
Thanks to all of you for sharing your experienes with me. I've got an appointment to meet with a psychiatrist again because it all feels so out of my control. Maybe once I get finished with my antibiotics and get rid of my gallbladder, I'll stop worrying about death so much.
But really, I can't control bad things, and that seems to be at the root of my problem. I can't guarantee good health or the safety of the people I love, and deep down, that is what terrifies me. I always feel like Joel doesn't love our kids as much as I do since he doesn't constantly live with the fear that something might happen to them, even though I know that's not true.
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When my husband died, I became terrified that every time someone I loved walked out the door, they were not coming back. It was paralyzing in a lot of ways and because of it, I have never really put my heart out there like that again. I just know something bad will happen and I can't go through that heartbreak again.
It sounds insane to say that, but I also have huge trust issues because of it. I know people are going to die, and I have lost my mom and dad since then, but they were older and ill, so it was kind of a blessing, but I don't trust that the next man I love will not die, so it is easier not to love like that. It is really sad in a lot of ways, but I have dealt with it and the choices I made because of it and found my own kind of happiness. But I still wish I had not let that fear grab hold of me like it did.
I hope you find a better way to deal with the fear and it sounds like you have a good head start with the sex therapy!
