Thanks to all of you for sharing your experienes with me. I've got an appointment to meet with a psychiatrist again because it all feels so out of my control. Maybe once I get finished with my antibiotics and get rid of my gallbladder, I'll stop worrying about death so much.
But really, I can't control bad things, and that seems to be at the root of my problem. I can't guarantee good health or the safety of the people I love, and deep down, that is what terrifies me. I always feel like Joel doesn't love our kids as much as I do since he doesn't constantly live with the fear that something might happen to them, even though I know that's not true.
I just listened to Glennon Doyle talk about anxiety on her podcast,
We Can Do Hard Things, and it was so relatable to me. Except I wish she'd had an answer for it instead of saying it's just something she'll always live with. I like solid, concrete solutions. ; )